Thom's Films Of The Year 2010

1. The Social Network

On first look this could have been a disaster waiting to happen - a film about Facebook? With Justin Timberlake in? But as soon as I heard David Fincher (one of the greatest directors going today in my opinion) and West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin were involved, I knew it was going to be in safe hands.

The direction is quite as stylish as previous Fincher fare (with the exception of the rowing scene) but it shows he doesn't have to be all flash all the time. The script is just flawless, Aaron's 'Sorkinese' is scintillating. Great performances from Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield, and even Timberlake shines. The soundtrack from Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross is also superb. The best film of 2010 without a doubt.

2. The Expendables

I'm sure most people I know will probably have passed out on reading that I didn't rank this number one in my list, but there we go. From an entertainment standpoint it's the best, but its the top ten films!

The Expendables was a blast from start to finish. True fans of 80s action films will find a lot to enjoy here, including the now legendary Church scene pictured above.

It's exactly what I was hoping for and loved every minute - you will have to forgive me here but I have written so much about it in the last year I really don't have much left to say other than bring on the sequel!

3. Tron Legacy

Another 80s throwback makes the top five, and another film that totally lived up to the hype. Forget the reviews that call it badly written but with good sound and visuals - they seem to be getting mixed up with the dismal Avatar. And the people who called it predictable? It's a Disney film! Were you expecting Inception or something?

The story is great, Jeff Bridges is superb in both roles (OK the CG on Clu does look a bit shonky from time to time but overall it is an amazing achievement) and yes it looks and sounds like several million dollars (Notably the unbelievably good soundtrack from Daft Punk)

Catch it while you can (and in IMAX if you can!)

4. Scott Pilgrim Vs.The World

An incredibly late addition into my list as I have only just watched it today. I was blown away by and fell in love with this film in equal measures. Stunningly original and eye poppingly inventive. Edgar Wright's game as a director has soared after this. And Michael Cera again proves that he can do other stuff other than the awkward dork (although there are several tinges of that in this but damn it he does it so well). Level up indeed!

5. Toy Story 3

The second Disney film in my top 5 has got to be the one that finally crosses over and gets a Best Picture nomination at the Oscars.

Packed with more laughter and emotion than 90% of non animated films I saw this year, this somehow managed to top the first two films and establish the Toy Story films as probably the greatest movie trilogy ever (Godfather Part III...shudder)

And if anyone didn't shed a tear at the last scenes you officially have no soul.

6. Inception

Details about Inception were scarce when it was first announced and what I first figured to be just something Christopher Nolan was doing in between Batman films (how wrong was I?) turned into something rarely seen these days - a hyper intelligent blockbuster.

It's something of a treat to see an event movie and have to really pay attention to what is going on (something I managed to almost fail at - I forgot a bit here and there!).

And as that ending...just perfect. Ambiguous to the degree you never REALLY want to know.

7. Four Lions

From the genius behind Brass Eye, Chris Morris came this comedy about a group of British Jihadists who decide to take action would be a spectacularly offensive mess in any hands other than Morris but he turns into a hilarious and at times touching and extremely quotable look at a subject not many other people would touch. Highly recommended.

8. Kick-Ass

Full review here but as stated - original, hilarious, touching and in what can only be seen as a miracle these days - a legitimately brilliant performance from Nicolas Cage made Kick-Ass a real highlight.

Here's hoping a sequel is on the way.

9. The Road

Yes it was made in 2009 but it was not released over here till January 8th 2010 so it counts!

I was shocked this wasn't that well recieved - mixed reviews and barely a award nomination to be seen (Not even for the beautiful score by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis.

Based on Cormac McCarthy's amazing book the film does admirably in pulling off the bleak and brutal almost post-apocalyptic world. And an amazing performance from Viggo Mortensen.

I hope it's given another look by people in years to come.

10. Pirahna 3D

Man, it was hard to find an image for this that didn't contain nudity, bodies that had been torn apart or both, but that was the main draw for Piranha!

Apart from all the cheap thrills mentioned above Piranha was also noteworthy for forgoing CG wherever possible and using special effects legends Howard Berger and Greg Nicotero for some amazing looking kills.

And yes the 3D lesbian nude underwater scene to the strains of the Lakme Flower Duet was very impressive. From a technical standpoint you understand.

Other Films I Dug This Year (In No Order)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans

The Crazies

Iron Man 2

The Other Guys

Youth In Revolt

Machete

Jackass 3D

Macgruber

Paranormal Activity 2

Films I Was Let Down By Or Just Plain Sucked

Shutter Island

Skyline (Sucked)

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

The Girl Who Played With Fire

Alice In Wonderland (Sucked)

Up In The Air

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part One

And If You Wondered, I Never Saw These...(But Do Want To)

The Losers

The A Team

Somewhere

Enter The Void

The Town

Winter's Bone

Carlos

Black Dynamite

The Secret In Their Eyes

The Killer Inside Me

Monsters

REC 2

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

A Prophet

The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth

I have always considered myself a movie geek. Inasmuch as I know who all the actors and actresses are, I can spot people in smaller roles, I know what is coming out, what has been out and what is out. When it comes to films...I know my shit.

The more times I go to things like Collectormania London (which took place this weekend just gone at London's Olympia 2 venue) the more I realize I'm not at the level of geekdom I thought. And this pleases me.

I don't do Cosplay. I have yet to dress up like Wonder Woman. And I have yet suppressed the urge to walk up to an increasingly pissed off looking Michael Biehn dressed as Arnie circa Terminator 2 and start shouting at him. These are all things we saw at Collectormania London.

My mission with these things is always straight forward. Get in, get my stuff signed, let the actors know how much I respect their work and get the hell out. But sadly this isn't always the way.

This time I was going to meet Carl Weathers, Cary Elwes and Michael Biehn and as soon as we arrived at the venue my flatmate Wayne and I grabbed tickets for all three. How it goes is you are given a numbered ticket and you check back every now and then to see if they are serving the correct number yet. For example I had number 195 for Carl Weathers and they were serving 1-100 when I got the ticket.

We had a wander round the hall first and saw quite a few people - some great guests this time around. There was prolific character actor Marshall Bell, Buffy star Mercedes McNab, the usual assortment of Star Wars guests who make their living at these events, and some real nobodies out of The Matrix , and kids who had one line of dialogue in Harry Potter.

After a while Carl Weathers was ready for us, so we met him. Sadly we were not allowed to have 'posed photographs' meaning the only photos you could take was during him signing. But worry not, he signed my Rocky boxset, I shook his hand and it was an amazing moment.

Next up was Cary Elwes, apparently doing his first European convention appearance. He also had the 'No Posed Photographs' sign above him but none of that mattered as he was one of the nicest guys I've met at these things. Asking how I was, thanking me for coming, it's little things like that which make the whole experience that more personal. And he also noticed Wayne had taken a less than satisfactory photo so he allowed him to take another one - this time with me in it! Take that sign! Top bloke.

Our tickets for Michael Biehn unfortunately were 273 and 274 respectively and he had spent the best part of 90 minutes on 1-70 and time was a factor for us. Thankfully we found our friend John who in turn is friends with someone who runs one of the DVD stands there and got a pass so we could jump the queue!

I can't blame him at all for this but I don't think Michael Biehn wanted to be there. We couldn't decide if he was hungover, ill or just in a bad mood but having a camera thrust in your face by a balding, middle aged virgin can't help. The sheer rudeness of that guy, and many others like them is just amazing. When I want a photo with someone in this situation I politely ask and am in the photo too. Guys like this walk up with a expensive camera, don't ask anything and just shove it in their face. But he seemed nice enough managed to get a smile and a handshake out of the guy.

We left not long after that, but not before noticing the guy who played Mayor Goldie Wilson in the Back To The Future films has not aged a day, and also almost being evacuated because the Pizza Hut next door was on fire.

All in all it was a good day out. Well I say day, but you can only really walk around once or twice once you've met who you want to mainly due to the cringey embarrassment caused from people dressed like Stormtroopers, Judge Dredd, a little person dressed as Yoda...hell I went to the toilets in there (note to self: never again) and took a leak next to a guy dressed as a Ghostbuster.

I just like to get my films signed where I can, and it's always a good story to tell people how you met soandso but some of these attendees give movie fans a bad name (and jeez are they aggressive, I got shoved out of the way 2 or 3 times by people trying to look at things - maybe they lack the necessary social skills from living in their parents basements for so long).

Anyway, before I even start talking about the Anime and Cosplay lot (Urgh) I shall sign off and link you to some photos we got. Enjoy.

Carl Weathers

My flatmate near Carl Weathers

Cary Elwes

Cary Elwes and I (The posed photo!)

Michael Biehn

My flatmate and Michael Biehn

Michael Biehn and I

Signed Rocky boxset

Signed Terminator DVD

Signed Princess Bride DVD

Now Playing: 9th November 2010

The first in a (hopefully) regular series about what music is pleasing my ears as at the moment. Or not, as the case may be.

Bruce Springsteen - The Promise

As if there wan't a wealth of B-Sides in Springsteen's 'Tracks' boxset, here comes 22 more taken from the time around the recording of 1978's 'Darkness On The Edge Of Town'. The quality of the music on this speaks volumes about the output The Boss was putting out at this point. Long time live staples like 'Fire' finally get a studio outing as does Springsteen's version of the song he gave to Patti Smith (which went on to become a huge hit for her) 'Because The Night'. And songs like the title track and 'Save My Love' goes to show what a hard choice it must have been to choose 'Darkness'' final tracklisting. 'Darkness On The Edge Of Town' is being released the same time as this, fully remastered and I can't wait to hear it.

Ray Davies - See My Friends

Always a interesting listen albums like this - an album of an artist re-recording their old songs, but this has the added interest of being re-recording versions with guest artists. A fantastically eclectic mix of acts from Paloma Faith to Bon Jovi, from Mumford & Sons to Metallica. Some of these covers work well, some do not. But it's all listenable enough stuff and it doesn't want to make you run to the Kinks albums, never to return to it again.

The Kinks - Picture Book

Which doesn't mean I didn't though. One of those bands where it's impossible to hear a cover version and not want to go hunt out the original. This boxset covers everything The Kinks ever did essentially condensed onto 6 discs. Listen to where your favourite bands got stuff from and shake your head...

Nelson - After The Rain/Lightning Strikes Twice

Nelson burst onto the rock music scene in 1991 looking like a slightly more mature Hanson scoring a US number one with '(Can't Live Without Your) Love And Affection, from the 'After The Rain' album a collection of piss-takingly catchy Bon Jovi lite anthems which literally does not have a bad song on it. Who knows how big they may have become but of course grunge came along and destroyed everything in it's path with the exception of the aforementioned Jovi (But at what cost? Look at them now, they're almost like Vegas lounge singers) and possibly Motley Crue.

But Nelson are back this year (they did do albums in the meantime but this is the only one that has the feeling of a true follow up, and hell even the title has the rain references) with 'Lightning Strikes Twice' and it really does. Another collection of fantastic soft rock songs. Will do nothing for the stock of the band unless Journey pick them up as a support band but its good to see an effort is still being made.

Skid Row - Selected Discography

Starting with the self titled debut (another album that has no bad songs on), continuing with the heavier 'Slave To The Grind' - two albums that really don't need much more said about them, I skipped over 'Subhuman Race' to have a first listen of the Seb Bach -less material Skid Row have been putting out, starting with 'Thick Skin'. New singer Johnny Solinger has a great voice and some of the stuff isn't that bad - songs like 'Thick Is The Skin', 'Born A Beggar' and 'Mouth Of Voodoo' absolutely rock, 'See You Around' borders on post grunge territory but works nonetheless. Sadly the punk cover of 'I Remember You' is diabolical. Haven't got round to their last album 'Revolutions Per Minute' though, I will have that for you for next time.

Still Playing

The albums out for a while that I'm still spinning...

Alter Bridge - ABIII - Not the best album of their career, but possibly the most consistent. This does not let up and gets better and better with repeated listens.

The Wildhearts - Chutzpah!/Chutzpah Jr. - The best album of 2009 in my opinion still does not fail to disappoint and the 'Jr.' B sides release is pretty damn good as well. Will be very interested to see how Ginger and the guys will top this.

Black Label Society - Order Of The Black - Another totally bludgeoning album from Zakk Wylde with the usual mix of massive guitar riffs and equally massive piano ballads. And the video for 'Overlord' has to be seen to be believed.

FM - Metropolis - The latest album from the UK's answer to Journey is probably up there with 'Tough It Out' as the best of their careers. Not one to sound like a broken record but there is nary a bad song to be found on here either!

The Chuff

Because sometimes good bands go bad...

Bon Jovi - The new songs on Greatest Hits - Oh God. These coupled with the dreadful 'One Night Only' show broadcast on ITV hammer another nail into the Jovi's respectability coffin. Sure enough the album has sold loads and nearly topped the album chart but the band have been totally de-balled by their singer. I hear Jon Bon Jovi wants to do a solo album next...the only good that would come of this is if 'Only-good-thing-left-about-the-band' Richie Sambora did the same.

My Darkest Days - My Darkest Days - After hearing the excellent 'Porn Star Dancing' I had high hopes for this. Turns out the song was a total one off, and as it turned out was only really that good thanks to the guest spots from Zakk Wylde, Chad Kroeger and Ludacris. Even that song is ruined on the album, split into 'rock' and 'rap' versions (I'm pretty sure people can handle 2 different genres at once) and the rest of the album makes the most middle of the road post-grunge band sound like Slayer. Don't want to call them a bunch of pussies but...well I have no way of finishing that sentence.

Till next time.

Time For A Rant

It seems like a long time since I posted anything that wasn't a film review, Hell it has been a long time since I posted much of anything really. Often finding myself just not being in the head space for doing a post. At one point I was determined to review every film I watched, which being a raging film geek like myself proved quite difficult.

But today I just wanted to go on about people for a bit.

To preface all this, I understand that people have their own lives to live but in recent times I have found people to be so much more selfish and ignorant to other people than they used to be.

I pride myself on trying to be a good friend to people. Case in point - my friend Stacey passed her driving test today, and as I was coming to Thetford to visit my Mum I tried to nip round to her flat with a congratulations card I bought. This was no big deal for me, I didn't feel like I was going out of my way to do it. It's just the sort of thing people should do right?

Well if it is, I'm the only one doing it. Where did this wave of selfishness come from?

Example - my BlackBerry was sent away to be repaired and I had none of my numbers on the courtesy phone so using Facebook (and I feel this place is a prime reason for what I'm talking about) I put up a couple of statuses and sent a message to the people I text most, and to say the response rate was poor was an understatement.

I get that message and I take the what? 30 seconds? To quickly send off a text. But no, this seems to be too big a deal for some.

Although I still find it a useful tool (mainly for collecting photographs together as you're not going to get all your Facebook friends to jump over to Flickr lets be fair) although it is grating on me. Since when does the fact you have a Facebook profile mean you don't have to send a birthday card or something like that? Obviously I have 89 friends on there and they aren't all going to get birthday cards but people just seem to use it so they don't need to make an effort anymore.

That isn't saying I don't use Facebook as a shortcut sometimes. Take the chat application on there. It is a fast and easy way to keep in touch with people but you have to ask yourself what the point is when people don't even reply on that. Can't be bothered/too busy to talk with someone? Fucking TELL THEM. It requires about 5 seconds of effort but even that seems too much these days.

I know I was brought up slightly earlier than most of my friends but I refuse to believe that its a generational thing. Although it is probably getting there. It just seems in the last year or so people I know, or people friends tell me about, hell even customers where I work are more self involved and rude than before!

As I said, I know people have their own lives but it takes the piss royally. Take this story, based on true events. The names have been changed...

W has a friend, lets call them X. It's X's birthday on a Saturday and although W has had a heavy night the night before and feels like shit he goes out for it, but takes his friend Y and heads out early unless he falls asleep at home. A venue is pretty much decided on. W and Y sit in this place for almost 3 hours, not really feeling 100% (and by the way texting X to let them know they are there) only to see X and their contingent walk past (and looking straight in at W and Y) and go somewhere else without a word.

And when they are called on it the next day X lays a guilt trip on W.

That is an actual example of something that happened to me. And they said to me that I seemed to want something more from them, a pressure of kinds. And THAT, pardon the upcoming pun is the X Factor - reliability. That isn't something you should have to pressure people into. People should treat people how they would like to be treated.

The above isn't an isolated event but its a particularly potent example of how people just live in their little bubbles with their own little agendas and its not just one person, two people but everyone. I should also point out that the friend isn't the only one, I'm not just picking on one person a lot of people can be guilty of it. I could have actually used as different case study but that wasn't my story to tell.

I seem to have to walk a fine line. I don't want to become a pity case because of my Father passing away earlier in the year. I get generally uncomfortable when people show sympathy and that, I appreciate it but don't know what to do with it. But I feel people around me (and people around others) should just make an effort. And I don't want that to be mixed up with "Feel sorry for me!"

Send a text, make a phone call, send an email. Hell, I know this is 2010 and human contact seems to beginning to get frowned upon - but go out for a drink with someone, catch a movie, you can even sacrifice a goat if you want to!

So that is my rant about that. Apologies go out to the people in my life who are reliable. They know who they are.

Till next time.

Film Review: Paranormal Activity 2

SPOILERS ABOUND.

Last year Paranormal Activity arrived seemingly out of nowhere to cinema screens and made a huge splash as well as a shed load of money for Paramount (made for around $11,000 it went on to make over $100 million in the States alone) and even more impressively I found a horror film that actually made me jump on multiple occasions.

Dealing with what you didn't see over what you did, PA1 masterfully ramped up the tension and delivered real shocks and a hell of an ending.

But, of course it made over $100 million so a sequel was bound to happen. But how do you follow on from a film shot with handheld cameras with only 2 main characters (And one of them is killed off at the end)?

Simple it seems. Prequel, baby.

Starting around 60 days before events of the first film this focuses on the sister of Katie from the original and her family (Husband, step daughter, dog and baby). Spooked by what appears to be a break in the family invest in 6 hidden cameras to be dotted around their house to prevent it happening again. What we see on screen is a combination of that 'footage' and camcorder hijinks normally to do with the baby, but is used as things get worse in the house.

Appearances from Katie and Micah from the original are made and groundwork for what happens to them is laid quite nicely surprisingly. They are in about 3 or 4 scenes total, more of a guest spot than actual starring roles.

The slightly silly plot that sets up the reason for the demon visitation this time around is that if you make a deal with a demon they can claim your first born child. References to Kristi (Sprague Grayden) and Katie's mother are made, and eventually a transfer of the hauntings to a blood relative sets up the events of the first film.

So with the plot out of the way...how is the paranormal activity?

The use of sound is still there, but a lot less of the footsteps this time. The subtleties are still there, a door opening, the babies carousel moving slowly on it's own. The big jumps are still there but a lot less for me this time round (2 in fact - the first thump and all the cupboards in the kitchen both got me), I'm sure another would have happened in the climatic basement scene but it seemed a bit too much like REC for me but in a basement instead of an attic.

Something else that bugged me throughout was that they deviated from casting unknowns. I find that these films worked a lot better when you don't recognize anyone in them. Obviously, you know it's not real but it adds a sense of reality to it that you wouldn't get if Bruce Willis showed up.

As I watched it I thought the lead actress who played Kristi did indeed look a bit like Sprague Grayden who was in Six Feet Under and played the President's daughter in Season 7 of 24 but thought that it was just a similarity but the credits revealed otherwise which will really take me out of the film the next time I watch it.

But overall it was a worthy, albeit rather pointless sequel. The few questions that were left from the original like 'Why did the demon return when it did?" and "Where did the photo come from?" didn't REALLY need answering but they were answered in a very satisfactory way without getting silly.

Silly, though, is a worry I start to get should a third in the series emerge (and Paranormal Activity 2 made $20 million on it's FIRST DAY OUT in the States, it seems like a inevitability). Surely they can't use the CCTV or camcorder stunt again, but on the other hand - they can't film it like a regular film. That takes away the franchises gimmick.

Of course there may not be a sequel- the demon Katie has the baby, the debt is paid and common sense may win out over money for once. But if they do I'm wanting it called Paranormal Activity 3: Babies Day Out.

***

An unnecessary sequel but aren't they all? PA2 still provides some great shocks but let's hope they leave it there.

Film Review: The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

Quite how this film escaped my attention for so long is a mystery. I always seem to pride myself in finding the most messed up, controversial films long before anyone has heard of, let alone seen them. But The Human Centipede (For brevity's sake I shall drop the 'First Sequence' portion of the title for the rest of the review) only came to my attention just over a month ago, and since it was made in 2009 I made it my mission to try and see it as it was getting a UK release.

Only problem was due to the controversial nature of the film...where the hell would I see it? I was looking at a wait till October where it lands on Region One DVD!

Thank God then for the obviously unbalanced folks at Cinema City in Norwich who elected to show it for one night only this weekend.

The film tells of 2 American tourists (who, as this is a horror film, are exceedingly dumb) who are on a road trip of holiday of Germany and while looking for a nightclub they get a flat tire and are stranded in the middle of nowhere. Without a phone signal, obviously.

After a disturbing (but hilarious) encounter with a fat bloke, the girls retreat from their car and find the house of one Dr. Heiter (played brilliantly by Dieter Laser) who unfortunately for the girls is a retired surgeon who specialized in separating Siamese twins but now...lets just say he likes to mix things up.

The girls are summarily drugged and fastened to hospital beds in Heiter's cellar laboratory where...well I think its best explained by the dialogue itself, I don't think I could do it justice somehow.

"I'll explain this spectacular operation only once. We start with cutting the ligamentum patella, the ligaments of the kneecaps, so knee extension is no longer possible. Pulling from "B" and "C" the central incisors, lateral incisors and canines from the upper and lower jaws, the lips from "B" and "C," and the anus of "A" and "B," are cut circular along the border between skin and mucosa, the mucus cutaneous zone. Two pedicelated grafts are prepared and lifted from the underlying tissue. The shaped incisions below the chins of "B" and "C" up to their cheeks connecting the circular mucosa and skin parts of anus and mouth, from "A" to "B," and "B" to "C," connecting the pedicelated grafts to the chin-cheek incisions from "A" to "B," and "B" to "C," creating a Siamese triplet, connected via the gastric system. Ingestion by A, passing through B, to the excretion of C. The human centipede, first sequence"

And apparently '100% medically accurate" (The directors father in law was a surgeon who helped him with the details) But what of the film?

First of all I'm unsure if it was director Tom Six's intention but the film is hilarious. It really shouldn't be and at some points ("Mein leiber 3-hund") who ask yourself whether you should be laughing at this at all, but the film is so ridiculous and the character of Heiter is so over the top (think a German Christopher Walken at his most extreme...then double it) you just can't help but laugh.

But it also works as a decent little horror movie, although the humour factor does take the edge off some of the horror but I guess that is subjective. The audience in the screen I saw it in were roaring with laughter all the way through - obviously understanding how demented the whole thing was, but some people would take it more seriously and not see the hilarity of a man training a human centipede to bring him his newspaper. Weirdos.

Overall the film works. You don't get to see too much of the surgery (but you see quite a bit) and once the operation is complete you can't really see whats going on there - a lot of it is in your head, especially when the 'front piece' needs to go number two...

But again, the humour is what takes it above your generic 'torture porn' kind of film. Let's hope the quality is maintained in 2011's sequel The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) where we have been promised a 12 person centipede and for the film to be '100% medically INaccurate' ... can't wait!

****

The humour blunts the horror most of the time but this is still a messed up masterpiece.

Film Review: The Expendables

It has been almost 2 years since I first heard about The Expendables. At first it was just Sylvester Stallone making a massive action film, but then as the weeks progressed and turned into months the cast started coming together and every announcement seemed to top the last.

First modern day action favourite Jason Statham was cast, then martial arts legend Jet Li, then a man who has been off the big screen and languishing in DTV hell for years - Dolph Lundgren. And the names kept on rolling - UFC champion Randy Couture, WWE Champion 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin, Eric Roberts - another man who gets a long deserved big 'bad guy' role, Dexter's David Zayas, Former NFL star Terry Crews...

And not forgetting 3 unforgettable appearances from Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I remember well about a year ago being gutted that the release date of May 2010 had been pushed back to August. Late in 2009 we got a rough trailer which showed us what to look forward to, and well here we are!

The Expendables is the first non-Rocky or Rambo film Stallone has directed since 1983's Staying Alive and tells of a group of mercenaries sent to overthrow a dictator. Thats it really. And I'm not saying that as a negative.

The film starts with the team - Barney Ross (Stallone), Lee Christmas (Statham), Ying Yang (Li), Gunner Jensen (Lundgren), Toll Road (Couture) and Hale Ceasar (Crews) saving Americans from evil Pirates.

Just as a side note here - obviously Stallone and co-writer Dave Callaham were having a bit of a laugh with the characters names here - Steve Austin's character is simply called Paine, Mickey Rourke's Tool...

After the scene is set, we follow Ross to a meeting with potential client Mr. Church (Bruce Willis), which also involves another leader of a group of mercenaries Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Not to give away too much about this scene, but it's going to be one of those that go down in movie history. It's not a long scene but seeing the 3 action movie legends bouncing off each other is just brilliant and almost has a surreal quality to it.

That scene sets up the main plot of the film (such as it is) which involves The Expendables travelling to a South American island to overthrow a dictator (Zayas) but the dictator is being controlled by a ruthless American (Roberts).

Obviously when all the Expendables arrive at the island all hell breaks looses and culminates in a breathtaking action sequence in the underground of the dictators palatial residence. And when I mean breathtaking - I'm not kidding - a kind of hush fell over the cinema audience at this point as some of the most brutal fighting was uncorked in front of them.

The end also did expose a flaw or two - mainly down to some ropey CG which I won't detail as both instances are spoiler ridden, but you'll know what I mean.

In short The Expendables was the film I hoped it would be and more. Great action, cheesy dialogue and the return to the big screen of some people I'd never thought I'd see there again (especially Dolph Lundgren who looked like he was having a blast making it and was responsible for the second best line of the film - "Warning shot!")

And it seems to be catching. Apparently Bruce Willis saw a rough version and after all this time of distancing himself from the franchise (and only doing sequels when he can get something in return) he wants to do a proper old school style Die Hard film!

And what of The Expendables? It's left wide open for a sequel and after an impressive opening weekend in the States where it trounced Julia Roberts vehicle 'Eat, Pray, Love' and Edgar Wright's 'Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World' its bound to happen and Sly himself has already said he is thinking of ideas (apparently he has scrapped all plans for Rambo 5 in order to do a sequel) one of which is to introduce new Expendables.

So we can only hope for Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme, a return in some way for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis (entirely possible for Arnie - he is out of office in November) or maybe even the holy grail of 80s action stars...Chuck Norris?

But for now, enjoy what we've got and go see this film repeatedly. You don't get many chances to see something like this on the big screen.

*****

Sly and co. do not dissapoint in this adrenaline packed mammoth. Miss it at your peril!