Film Review: Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil

It's probably one of the biggest cliches in horror movies. Sexy students go in to the woods and get picked off, one by one, by inbred hillbillies. The sheer volume of films with the exact same plot must be in the hundreds. And it's a situation ripe for parody.

How no one thought of doing a film like Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil before is beyond me. Turning the generic horror movie plot on it's head, it tells of two likable hillbillies, travelling to their new vacation home in the forest. But soon after arriving, they run into a group of college students who instantly assume they are inbred sociopathic maniacs intent on killing them.

Things get worse when Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) save the life of one of the students, Allison (30 Rock's Katrina Bowden), but all her friends assume they abducting her, and they start to plot revenge against them, which results in a lot of misunderstandings and accidental deaths.

In a time where most horror films (and most films generally) are remakes or sequels or re-imaginings, to have a film so original, yet so simple is a joy. The writing is top notch, kind of comparable in a way to Hatchet, another horror movie where the writing is so well done you really don't want to the characters to get knocked off, whereas a lot of horror movies, you just can't wait!

The friendship between Tucker and Dale is really nicely done as well, with a legitimately touching scene between the two near the end (does end with a punchline, though), and it's just hilarious throughout, whether it be the dialogue or the OTT pratfalls and accidents that befall the students.

But gorehounds shouldn't be too optimistic, there are some horrific looking moments, particularly an incident with a wood chipper, but the film doesn't rely on these too strongly, rather the characters - the sheer stupidity of the students (I guess these have to be the dumbest students in horror film history, quite the feat) and the mix of innocence and exasperation of Dale and Tucker, respectively. Although, I did find the main student, Chad (Jesse Moss) a bit much, with a back story pointlessly shoehorned in rather than just have him lead the group.

It's a very strong debut from director Eli Craig, and the fact that he made what essentially is a one joke movie last the duration, keeping the viewer interested throughout is a great achievement. Hell, I wouldn't mind a sequel!

****
An original and hilarious comedy horror that turns the tables on the normal 'hillbillies in the woods' plot. Top stuff.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo US Remake Trailer!

Not often I post something like this, but was a fan of the first book (not so much the film, felt it missed out some important plot points), although I'm not wild about the second and third books, or indeed the films.I do hear, however that writer Steven Zaillian (Schindlers List, Gangs Of New York, American Gangster) is adapting straight from book, not the original movie. But there is David Fincher directing, Trent Reznor (and I assume Atticus Ross) back on score duties, and it's looking good!

Check it out!

Film Review: [REC] 2

The first [REC] film was absolutely brilliant. Horrific, tense and with a killer ending, it was a true original (and obviously got remade into a shot for shot American remake Quarantine, which made the fatal mistake of casting known actors, and being utterly pointless, of course).

So it was with some trepidation I watched the sequel (quite late, I know) - how many sequels to horror films even start to capture what made the original good, let alone ones that are set immediately after the first, continuing the story out for another film?

Well [REC] 2 is the exception to that rule. It hits the ground running and does not let up at all during its super trim 85 minute running time.

We join the action with another SWAT team entering the quarantined apartment building featured in the original, to find what has been left, being joined by a doctor (who soon reveals himself to be a priest as well). The terror is still ongoing, and the doctor needs a blood sample to try and develop and antidote, but there's a lot more to the zombie-like creatures than anyone knows.

Also in the complex are a fireman, some teenagers, who climbed in from the sewers and the father of the infected girl Jennifer, from the original film. Now, in most films where they have some 'crazy' teenagers introduced to the plot for a second film, that's normally enough to have me reaching for the remote, but somehow Juame Balguero and Paco Plaza (Writers and directors, both returning from the first film) manage to make that work too. It's actually amazing how they manage it.

Much like the first, the tension is there throughout, and there is some terrific jump out of your skin moments, and a interesting twist at the end. Although that twist is kind of a double edged sword, it's all very well done but it leaves the door wide open for a third film (which, in fact there will be in 2012, but with a prequel being released this year) and there's no way they can make it work again is there? I'd rather it have been a closed ending, making it one of the greatest double bills of horror films in years.

****
Excellent, scary, tense stuff, one of the best horror sequels I've seen in a long time. But...setting up a third film is madness. I hope I eat my words, but I'd rather have just ended things here.

Film Review: Burke And Hare

Another film that wasn't exactly enticing me to watch it (but thanks to me exploiting a LoveFilm trial, I'm catching some of these films now) was Burke And Hare. I'm not going to lie to you, the only reason I wanted to see it was because it was the return of the legendary John Landis (Animal House, American Werewolf In London, Trading Places, The Blues Brothers to name just some of his work) to the directors chair for the first time since the disastrous Blues Brothers 2000 (which, bizarrely came out in 1998.)

Burke and Hare is based loosely on the true story of Irish immigrants turned body snatchers William's Burke (Simon Pegg) and Hare (Andy Serkis) who supplied dead bodies to a medical school in Edinburgh run by Dr. Robert Knox (Tom Wilkinson) for money.

It doesn't really sound like a comedy but that's how it seems how writers Piers Ashworth and Nick Moorcroft (best known for the recent St. Trinians remakes) wanted it portrayed. Sadly the film is so badly written it doesn't know what it wants to be. A comedy? A horror? It fails on every level.

I'm not saying you can't make a dark comedy about the subject matter, but this is just woeful. It's just all so lazy, 90% of the jokes miss their target, and you know things are bad when you have those dreadful 'This is how [insert invention here] got it's name!' (this time being funeral parlours and photographs). Even if this were true, I wouldn't want the cringe inducing 'nudge nudge, wink wink' joke in a film. It's not smart, and it's not clever.

Thank god then for the direction of John Landis, the film looks great thanks to him, but he is not given much to work with. It's very well shot throughout. Although, there's not a 'See You Next Wednesday' in sight which was a shame. Hopefully Landis will be a bit more prolific after this.

Also the cast save this from being a one star affair. Whilst not being the best actors around, Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis have enough charisma and likability to keep the viewer watching and there is a great English cast who all do good jobs, as well as Tom Wilkinson, Tim Curry, Ronnie Corbett, Bill Bailey (who we should have seen more of somehow), Jessica Hynes, Christopher Lee, Reece Shearsmith all feature, as well as Isla Fisher who is routinely entertaining in every film I have seen her in.

Sadly though, it's just not enough. It's a shame because everything else about the film is good except, arguably, the most important element. The writing. And without that, you have a film that needs to be buried, and left that way.

*1/2
Extra marks given to the good direction, and the charismatic cast, but the script is an utter mess, and not even they can save it. A shambles and a shame.

Film Review: Runaway

Runaway is one of those films I'm surprised I haven't seen before. It's got Tom Selleck, Gene Simmons and is written and directed by Michael Crichton, the man who brought us Jurassic Park, Twister, Westworld and E.R. It must have just got past me this whole time. Not being available in the U.K. didn't help (it is available on American DVD however, although the sound is pretty bad.)

Selleck stars as Ramsay, a police officer who works for a unit that deals with malfunctioning, or 'runaway' robots. You see, while the film seems to be taking place in it's present day (the mid 80s) robots now do everything. From look after the kids to construction work to mowing the lawn. This is what bothered me a bit about the film from the outset - such amazing advances are made in the world of robotics, but everything else is exactly the same. Phones, clothing, cars! It did bug me most of the film.

Anyway, Ramsay and new partner Thompson (Cynthia Rhodes) investigate the the killing of a family at the hands of their own robots and have discovered someone as overridden them with orders to kill. This leads them to Dr. Charles Luther (Gene Simmons) who is developing robots that kill to sell on the black market. Ramsay and Thompson must track him down, using one of Luther's employees (an early film role for Kirsty Alley) to assist.

After you get past the ludicrous 'futuristic, but not that futuristic' thing, Runaway is quite a decent film. There's some great action sequences, a freeway chase, and the climatic skyscraper encounter are both quite gripping. The spider robots that Luther creates are pretty creepy also, spitting acid and exploding shortly after so that no evidence is left.

And what of KISS legend Gene Simmons, in what was his first film? Well it's not the most brilliantly acted performance I've ever seen, but he doesn't half look menacing throughout. That was the reason he was cast, director Crichton asked Simmons to stare at him for a minute without making any facial expressions!

Obviously, Michael Crichton went on to bigger and better things with the success of Jurassic Park and E.R., but this could have been another hit to go under his belt. What stopped him? Another film about robots in a present day surrounding (well, cyborgs if you are going to split hairs) in The Terminator. Who knows what would have happened to Runaway.

***
Get past the ropey bits of the plot, and you'll find an interesting movie, with some thrilling moments.  If you're a fan of Crichton, Selleck or Simmons, check it out!

The Greatest Films You've Never Seen 2

Action Jackson

Carl Weathers stars as the take-no-prisoners cop (he does take prisoners, though) among a great supporting cast including Sharon Stone, Craig T. Nelson, Robert Davi and Bill Duke. Great fun.

Bad Influence

James Spader is the spineless executive, who meets Rob Lowe, who is the exact opposite, and a very bad influence. Gripping thriller from Curtis Hanson.

Best Of The Best

Like, No Retreat, No Surrender meets The Karate Kid. Eric Roberts, James Earl Jones and Christopher Penn star as a Martial Arts team must travel to compete in a competition in Korea. Cue the usual big speeches and training montages.

Black Dynamite

Hilarious Blaxploitation spoof. Reviewed here.

Bloodfist

Just like Best Of The Best really, but all the acting is done by actual fighters, led by Don 'The Dragon' Wilson, and also featuring Billy Blanks. Cult stuff, but you can really tell there are not many actual actors in the film!

The Brothers Soloman

Deeply silly comedy starring Will Arnett and Will Forte as brothers who look for the perfect mate so they can give their dying father a grandchild.

The Defender

Dolph Lundgren plays Lance Rockford (really), on the detail of the head of the NSA as they go to a peace meeting in Eastern Europe. Jerry Springer plays the President (really). Has to be seen to be believed.

Eye For An Eye

Hardened cop Chuck Norris seeks out the murderer of his partner, in an all star lineup. Christopher Lee plays the bad guy, Richard Roundtree, Chuck's boss. Mako and Professor Toru Tanaka also star.

Hatchet

One of the best horror films in recent times. Group of idiots go on New Orleans boat ride, and get picked off one by one. Gore packed and brilliantly written, featuring appearances from Robert Englund, Tony Todd and Kane Hodder.

Hot Rod
The Lonely Island did a film. See it!

House Of The Devil
Retro feeling horror about a babysitter in danger. Contains a creepy performance from Tom Noonan.

Hunt To Kill
Decent little action film starring Steve Austin. Nothing original but contains a great fight scene with Gary Daniels, and a small role from Eric Roberts.

Martin
George A. Romero does teenage vampire angst before Twilight was even thought of, and obviously it's way better. One of Romero's favourite films of his.

Martyrs
Shocking French psychological horror, but that doesn't even scratch the surface. Review here.

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus
Purposely stupid creature vs creature 'horror'. Hilariously bad. Features Debbie Gibson as a scientist.

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy
Amazing, in depth documentary about the making of all the Elm Street movies. Runs for 4 hours, and it's nowhere near long enough. Only available on import DVD, hunt it out.

The Room
The worst film ever made? Maybe. But also one of the most entertaining. Review here.

Pump Up The Volume
Christian Slater is mysterious, rabble rousing late night cult DJ and shy teenager whilst at school. After one of his listeners kills themselves, the authorities are called in to shut the show down.

Showdown In Little Tokyo
Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee are detectives who team up to fight the Yakuza. All action, and great fun.

Toy Soldiers
Terrorists take over a boarding school and Sean Astin, Will Wheaton and Lou Gossett Jr. must stop them. Sounds crap, but it's a great little film. Andrew Divoff is the terrorists leader and is fantastic.

Universal Soldier: Regeneration
Even I thought this was going to be bad, but Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren return and confound expectation. This should have been on at the cinema, not go straight to DVD.

Vamp
An 80s high school comedy...but with vampires. Grace Jones stars as the head vampire in this cult classic.

Film Review: Suspiria

Dario Argento is a hard director to get into for me. There's a lot of good about his films, classic scenes that will forever be synonymous with the horror genre. But in the middle of all that, in my eyes, is some pretty ropey stuff. Suspiria is no exception to the rule.

Suzy Bannion (Jessica Harper) travels from America to join a European ballet school, but as soon as she arrives, things are not as they seem. Another student flees the school the moment Suzy turns up, and all sorts of strange events are occurring, and Suzy takes it upon herself to get to the bottom of them.

Suspiria has some great moments going for it. The scene pictured above is from an amazing set piece at the start of the film, brilliantly shot and highly effective. And quite a lot of the film is. But, on the other hand, a lot is absolutely dreadful. It's that 70s European horror vibe to it all, and that is something I've never managed to get on with. And (not the films fault) they are just horrifically dated.

That's not saying that the set pieces are the only good thing about the film at all. The score, that Argento did with Goblin is bizarre and terrifying in places, really unnerving stuff and fits the film perfectly. And it is shot beautifully, the use of colours (red, especially) is just fantastic.

But I just can't call it a horror classic, a cult classic for sure. But when you have poor dialogue and bad acting in an otherwise great film, you can't just ignore it. The ending also lets the side down, it just seems so abrupt and as if Argento had run out of ideas.

But people out there call it the scariest film of all time. And sure it's a film with some great moments. But it's also a film with the worst looking dog prop in cinema history, and a scene where a girl is caught up in a giant slinky.

***
Some outstanding moments, dragged down by bad acting, bad script and some utter nonsense. There's a lot to enjoy in Suspiria if you can get through the latter. Ideal for some, not so much for others

Film Review: Cop Out

I had been warned repeatedly not to bother with Cop Out. But I just had to see it. I literally had not heard a kind word said about since it came out and I just had to see if it was really THAT bad. It was.

The fact that it is directed by Kevin Smith is an absolute shock. If had no knowledge of who directed this before I watched it, it could have been anyone helming. It lacks any kind of visual flair or any kind of directorial calling cards(although Jason Lee does have a small role), and really brings into question if Smith ever had any (and the mixed reviews for his next film Red State, seem to be backing this up.) His View Askew films ranged from good to amazing, but was it just keeping it all within the Askewniverse? Look at the one time Smith stepped out to direct Jersey Girl, another unimpressive effort. And although Zack and Miri Make A Porno was OK, but wasn't even a patch on Mallrats!

He now seems satisfied to push his 'Smodcasts' and just tweet the day away on Twitter, and that's fine because he is a funny guy, but it's looking anything not Jay and Silent Bob related is proving quite the struggle.

Rumours on set of Cop Out suggested a huge set of differences between Smith and star Bruce Willis. Getting along fine after the formers cameo in Die Hard 4, Willis wanted to work with Smith again, but apparently regretted it. Smith's marijuana use has become quite the characteristic of his latter work, and it really shows. He may feel he works better under the influence, but this isn't working from home, it's directing a big budget movie.

Anyway the film stars Willis as Jimmy Monroe, a police officer recently suspended, along with his partner Paul Hodges (Tracy Morgan.) As he needs money now to pay for his daughters wedding, he decides to sell a rare baseball card he has, but it gets stolen, and Monroe and Hodges go after it. Seriously, that's what this film is about. I know I don't normally do spoilers, but this film is terrible and you shouldn't watch it, but the baseball card thing to pay for the wedding doesn't even happen, rendering the entire 100 minutes before it even more pointless.

All the blame doesn't lie at the door of Smith. The script is appalling, and I cannot believe that it was one of Hollywood's top unfilmed scripts for so long. Really badly thought out scenarios. Hodges and Monroe are supposed to have been partners for 9 years, kind of indicating that they have been cops for at least that. But Hodges acts like he was given a badge and a gun the day before (A scene near the end shows Hodges expressing total surprise he got shot at) and the relationship between the two partners seems like they've known each other for 2 months tops.

Tracy Morgans performance. Well, I just tried to look at that like he was playing Tracy Jordan, his character from 30 Rock in one of his hilarious looking fake films. I'm sure Fat Bitch or Who Dat Ninja would have been an improvement on this. Willis, just looks bored throughout.

But I can't help but just come back to Smith again. I can understand sort of where he was coming from. A homage to the 80s buddy cop movies (Hell, even Harold Faltermeyer was convinced to come out of retirement to do the score), but did he not even glance at the script? Was the appeal of working with Willis that great, that he'd direct any old piece of crap? It's a crying shame if this is what some people remember Kevin Smith by.

*
It may earn me a 'ka-block' on Twitter, but so be it. This is a lazy, humourless, piece of garbage which seems like it was directed by someone who just suffered a severe head injury, and written by a couple of ten year olds that think cock jokes are the height of comed. Avoid like the plague.

Film Review: The Book Of Eli

The Book Of Eli is The Hughes Brothers (Menace II Society, Dead Presidents) first film since 2001's From Hell and stars Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman and Mila Kunis.

Wsahington plays a man only passingly referred to as Eli, a man walking a post apocalyptic country after an unnamed catastrophic event - its referred to as a flash in parts but like the recently released The Road we never really find out what happened. For the best really when these type of events are explained they are usually picked to pieces.

Eli carries a book with him which he has taken on himself to protect and will go to any lengths to, and trouble really starts when he arrives in a settlement of non-cannibal survivors seemingly run by Carnegie (Oldman).

Carnegie is desperately searching for a book and is sending teams out to look for it and is assisted by his right hand man Redridge (Ray Stevenson from TV's Rome).

When Carnegie discovers that Eli has the book he tries whatever it takes to get it as his gang leave the settlement to follow Eli and Solara (Kunis), a young girl who wants to tag along.

The film is definitely worth a watch and does offer a great turn from Gary Oldman - but he always does villains well he is one of the best in the field, and theres a few nice little cameo's which I won't spoil here.

It's also nicely shot, not as good as The Road (which was a far superior 'post apocalyptic man on a mission' film I had watched a few days before)

But it is quite predictable. I got the end of the films big twist quite soon into the film, not long after Washington's character arrives at the settlement, and its also slightly overlong and could have done with a ten or fifteen minute trim.

***

Nice to see The Hughes' back and always good to see Gary Oldman scenery chomping but predictable and slightly bloated.

Film Review: All The King's Men

All The King's Men is the 2006 adaptation of Robert Penn Warren novel of the same name and is directed (and also written for the screen) by Steven Zaillian who wrote Hannibal, Gangs Of New York and American Gangster amongst others.

Sean Penn leads an all star cast featuring Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Anthony Hopkins, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo, Jackie Earl Halley and Patricia Clarkson.

Penn plays Willie Stark who is elected Louisiana governor by a landslide of lower class voters. Soon thereafter Stark is threatened by impeachment by Judge Irwin (Hopkins) and a group ofg politicians who want him out, so it is up to Jack Burden (Law) to dig up some dirt on Irwin, but this ends with tragic consequences.

All The King's Men is very well acted - look at the cast - how could it not be? And it is also intelligently written but the main problem is that it has been done before - not referring to the book and other adaptation of it on stage or screen, but plot wise its very samey with it's government corruption story.

The other problem is that it's quite, quite dull. The story drags along with really not much happening. Not even the starry cast can save it from how mundane and really melodramatic in places it is

**

A great performance from Penn et al cannot save this from never getting out of the stalls.

Film Review: Heathers

When Heathers came out back in 1988, no one had seen anything like it. And it is pretty safe to say no one has since.

Seen as an antidote to the somewhat saccharine nature of 1980's John Hughes teen films like Sixteen Candles, Pretty In Pink and Some Kind Of Wonderful (films I adore by the way) Heathers brought the teen angst to a whole new level no one dared to.

Directed by Michael Lehmann (who sadly followed this up with Hudson Hawk and Airheads amongst others before redeeming himself directing episodes of The West Wing, Californication and True Blood) Heathers starred Winona Ryder who at that point was best known for her role in Beetlejuice and Christian Slater.

Ryder plays Veronica who is desperate to get in to her high schools clique 'The Heathers' (Shannen Doherty, Lisanne Falk and Kim Walker) when she suddenly meets mysterious new student JD (Slater) and when they get together the bodies start to drop...

One of the great things about this film is knowing that there is no way it would ever get remade. In these times when 6 months doesn't pass when you don't hear about another Columbine or Virginia Tech a film that portrays high school shootings (and not to mention teen suicide) would be positively radioactive.

Heathers wasn't heavy handed in it's writing either, but brilliantly dissecting what students reaction would be if this happened, and at the same time spawning a whole new language for teenagers to spout a decade before anyone had even said the name 'Juno'. "What's your damage?" "I gotta book" and "Get crucial" all memorable lines still.

Obviously with its subject matter the comedy is dark, dark, dark. The second funeral is one of the funniest scenes in the movie ("I love my dead gay son!") and the scenes in the teachers lounge are terrific - ambivalence to OTT media whoring in one room.

The film also contains Christian Slater's best performance (next to True Romance of course) and a great turn from Winona Ryder, who sadly seems to be in less and less these days. Or maybe I'm just not seeing what she is in.

Heathers was a one of a kind, and even though it gets a little silly in places I wouldn't change it.

****

The original anti-teen movie. Not seen it? You best book!

Film Review: Street Fighter

In my previous review of Double Impact I mentioned about bad films falling on the correct side of "So bad it's good". Double Impact does. Street Fighter, however, does not. Nowhere close.

Released in 1994 after the success of the video game Street Fighter 2 (which I fondly remember playing on the SNES), Street Fighter was written and directed by Steven E. de Souza who had previously written Commando and Die Hard. Sadly he also wrote Hudson Hawk and The Flintsone's Movie.

The casting was catastrophic. The choice to play All-American hard man Guille? The very Belgian Jean-Claude Van Damme who actually dyed his hair ginger for the role.

The choice to portray British intelligence agent Cammy? Kylie Minogue. Obviously. Where else do you go for a British actress - an Australian singer of course!

The villain in the piece is M. Bison and Raul Julia who was most famously known for playing Gomez in The Addams Family movie. Sadly not long after Street Fighter was made, Raul Julia died. And to be brutally honest it was probably of shame.

The movie is a disaster on all fronts. I know it must be difficult to make a movie out of a video game which basically is just a series of fights, but this is a horrific attempt. The plot is that M. Bison has kidnapped some people, and Guille and company, along with a few other hangers on who are shoehorned into the film have to go save them.

The start of the film feels like you have missed the first ten minutes. It's just an absolute mess. There's some totally piss poor attempts at humor which fall flat and just lots of pointless running around. 

I don't even think children would like it! It's just too stupid. Maybe the severely retarded would get something out of it.

As a post-script they actually made a video game adaptation out of this film. Thats right. The video game based on the film based on the...erm...video game.

*

You know it's bad when you use the statement "It's so bad not even Van Damme can save it".

Film Review: Double Impact

A thing you have to understand before I do any more reviews on here is that I love the cheese. Any genre if it's OTT and badly acted and falls on the correct side of bad, I get a real kick out of it.

With that in mind here's Double Impact the 1991 actioner starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and ho ho wait for it...Jean-Claude Van Damme! Yep - twice! "Double the Van Dammage" as the box states (no really it does).

Directed by Sheldon Lettich who directed other JCVD 'classics' The Hard Corps, The Order and AWOL (or Lionheart for every non British reader) Double Impact is about 2 twins (Van Damme obviously) separated at birth after their parents were murdered. 

The guy who who looks out for one of the twins - Chad (who comes across very, very gay not sure if this was intended or not) decides its time to reunite the twins and sends Chad over to Hong Kong to meet Alex, ad they go and avenge their parents.

Double Impact wastes no time in bringing out the JCVD specialty that is the splits. Just seconds after you first meet Chad he is doing it (as pictured above, sadly in Lycra) and doesn't waste any time in moving the action to Hong Kong.

After that it's exactly what you'd expect - bad acting and dialogue and lots of fighting. But the real enjoyment is from the fact that the acting is so bad it's good. The female lead has no acting talent whatsoever and sounds like she has just emerged from a coma.

Theres no point even slating it really, I watched it hoping it would be bad and I wasn't disappointed! 

***

A 2 star film + 4 star enjoyment. But not doubled though, enough of that in the film.

Film Review: Ghoulies/Ghoulies II

In the 1980's there was an influx of 'little monster' films. They varied from the good (Gremlins) to...well the rest (Critters, Troll). There was also Ghoulies.

The first Ghoulies film was released in 1985 and starred former rock singer (and the guy who married Jimmy Page's ex, and was also replaced Robert Palmer in Power Station) Michael Des Barres and in a very small role Jack Nance (of David Lynch film fame).

The plot involves a young couple who move into a big old house and the guy in the couple becomes possessed by a need to control ancient demons (the Ghoulies), this all goes south when he manages to conjure the corpse of the man who also became possessed years ago (Des Barres).

These sort of films you really don't need much plot, and there really isn't here. And it comes with all the things you would expect - bad script, worse acting but Ghoulies problem is that for what it is it plays it all a bit straight and it's really a bit of a drag to watch in places. A serious lack of fun at times.

This is not the case for Ghoulies II. Released 2 years later, Ghoulies II stars Phil Fondacaro (one of cinema's go to little people) and Royal Dano. It was filmed for the cheap in Italy which seemed to be the way to go at that time  (Troll 2 also was if I recall correctly)

There is barely any plot this time. The Ghoulies stow away on a lorry heading towards a funfair and cause hell in the spookhouse, then the entire fair. That is essentially it.

The film is a blast and gives the audience exactly what they want - Ghoulies killing people! And at one point high fiving which is certainly worth a rewind. 

Ghoulies II also benefits from an original song from W.A.S.P. on the soundtrack, the fun albeit totally generic cock rock song 'Scream Until You Like It', the video of which you can see below.

Ghoulies **

Ghoulies II ***

After the less than fun original, the franchise aims for fun and delivers. Next up? They go to college!

Film Review: The Kentucky Fried Movie

The Kentucky Fried Movie, released in 1977 directed by John Landis and written by Zucker Abrahams and Zucker was a precursor to the latter's spoof hits Airplane and The Naked Gun and is more a collection of sketches than a real movie.

Sadly for me, most the sketches were misses including the movies "legendary" centerpiece 'A Fistful Of Yen' which takes up over half an hour of the films 83 minute running time.

I just found a lot of the jokes falling flat - a newsreader watching a couple having sex isn't particularly laugh out loud amusing and stretched over 4 minutes it gets pretty dull.

And the 'hilarity' of a bloke in a gorilla suit (actually played by Rick Baker fact fans) must be lost on me somewhere.

That isn't to say it's all bad, some of the sketches are hilarious. 'Zinc Oxide and You' is a hoot, and the fake trailer for 'That's Armageddon' (starring George Lazenby and Donald Sutherland as 'The Clumsy Waiter' is a bang on parody of 70's disaster movies.

Funniest segment has to be the darkest also - the 'United Appeal For The Dead' where a family tell of their joy to still have their son in their life even though it's just his corpse. Cue a horrific montage of family activities with a dead child.

I guess in it's time it must have been quite revolutionary but these days it mostly just seems forced in its wackiness.

Both Landis (who managed to get his See You Next Wednesday calling card into the film very easily this time) and ZAZ would both go on to bigger and better things.

**

A very hit and miss affair, leaning heavy on the latter, but shows signs of genius to come.

Film Review: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Shane Black is a writing genius. Have written the first Lethal Weapon (as well as the story for the first sequel) he also wrote The Last Boyscout and The Long Kiss Goodnight.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was his first screenplay since the latter, and the first film he had ever directed, and it is a fantastic debut.

Robert Downey Jr. (in the role that really restarted his career) plays Harry Lockhart a thief who accidentally becomes an actor after running into an audition while evading the police after a bungled robbery.

Harry gets invited to all the Hollywood parties and is in strong consideration of the role of a private eye so he is teamed with real PI 'Gay' Perry (Val Kilmer) to 'research' and as you may expect all Hell breaks loose with dead bodies everywhere, and an aspiring actress from Harry's past (Michelle Monaghan)

Downey Jr. is superb here both as Harry, and as Harry the narrator, stopping the film when he messes up, winding it back, the narration is totally original and hilarious.

Val Kilmer plays the straight man to a tee, and it's hard to imagine anyone else playing him (yeah even original choice Harrison Ford)

But the main draw of the film is the writing that is just electrifying, the dialouge here is some of the best I have had the pleasure of listening to this side of Aaron Sorkin (Example dialogue "You don't get it, do you? This isn't "good cop, bad cop." This is fag and New Yorker. You're in a lot of trouble.")

It's a damn shame no one really knows who Shane Black (know his films obviously) and an even bigger shame that he doesn't make more of them.

Even the 'predictable Hollywood ending' is totally turned on its head and turns the run of the mill ending you think is coming into something hilarious.

****

Superbly written and directed, this is both Shane Black's and Robert Downey Jr.'s comeback film

Film Review: Up In The Air

Up In The Air is the latest film from Jason Reitman (Juno, Thank You For Smoking) and stars George Clooney as Ryan Bingham whose job is simple. Fly from place to place firing people. He loves the lifestyle of living out of his suitcase and never being home but it all goes south when his boss (Jason Bateman) decides to ground him and use video conferencing for the job instead.

Ryan takes exception to this and is made to take the person who thought of the new idea (Anna Kendrick) on one of his cross country trips with him.

A bit of an odd feeling after I left the cinema after this one. Whilst I sat there and enjoyed the film and the performances (especially Clooney who was superb) I left feeling a little empty. I had the same feeling during the (slightly superior) Juno. Just didn't find it something I really wanted to see again.

It wasn't the cast that caused this that's for sure. As previously mentioned Clooney is terrific as is Vera Farmiga as Ryan's 'friend' who meets up with for fun whenever their schedules cross paths.

There's some nice little cameos in there too. The Hangovers Zach Galifianakis is great in an all too brief appearance as someone being 'let go' at the start of the film, and the legendary Sam Elliott always brightens up the worst film.

Was suprised by a quite subtle performance by Danny McBride (Eastbound And Down) as the fiance of Ryan's sister. Very much used to this guy going OTT so it was nice to see him showing he is capable of more (or in this case less).

But even with all that I was left flat by the end of the film, I guess it missed a certain something I can't put my finger on.

***

A fine enough journey to be on, but when you deboard it feels very much like a round trip.

Film Review: (500) Days Of Summer

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

(500) Days Of Summer is a bit of a change from my usual viewing but I had heard so many good things about it, it would be ignorant to not see it!

(500)... stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel and is directed by Marc Webb (who will be helming the 2012 Spiderman reboot) and is scripted by Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber. Summer, before I go on, refers to the name of Deschanel's character.

It is certainly not your usual rom-com but does contain both of these but really does twist the tried and tired 'Boy meets girl, Boy falls for girl...' formula. Using different devices such as dance routines (a spectacular number to Hall and Oate's 'You Make My Dreams' which will leave a massive smile on your face guaranteed) or split screens for Tom Hansen's (Gordon-Levitt) expectations and reality.

The great thing I found about this was how I felt about the characters after the film. I could not believe how Summer treated Tom at the end. But the more I thought about it...she never actually lied to him about anything. She only wanted some fun, but Tom wanted more. I'm sure some of us have been there one time or another!

But of course that is just my view on it. The note at the start that takes a pop (I assume) at who the film is based on would indicate that Summer is being made the bad guy (gal) of the film. I felt more that Tom just ended up embarrassing himself but I guess it all worked out in the end.

If I had to 'downside' it there was a bit of cringey dialogue in there ("I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it") but that may just be the cynic in me coming out.

****

A great directing debut from Webb, two brilliant performances from the leads and doing something with the genre may not equal 500, but does equal a great film.

 

Film Review: Youth In Revolt

For a while now, there has been a worry that Michael Cera has been getting typecast as the awkward, bumbling teen after his superb turns in Arrested Development and Superbad. Youth In Revolt gives the gifted actor a chance to spread his wings somewhat.

Directed by Miguel Arteta (The Good Girl) Cera stars as Nick Twisp a lonely child of divorce who is desperate to meet the girl to take his virginity. After a his Mothers boyfriend (Zach Galifianakis in another small but brilliant role) has a run in with some sailors Nick ends up at a trailer park while it all blows over where he meets and falls in love with Sheeni Saunders (Portia Doubleday)

This is where the trailer is a bit misleading. It would have you believe that Nick can't get the girl so thats why he creates his 'alter ego' Francois Dillinger but in fact he can get the girl but needs to live near her so the 'supplementary personality' is created to get Nick in enough trouble he will be sent to live with his Dad (the always great Steve Buscemi)

So starts a hilarious chain of events as Nick and Francois try to get close to Sheeni.

Cera is truely superb in both roles. His usual awkward teen character is perfect for the film and it is an absolute blast to see him as the rebellious Francois especially in a scene where he tries to bed Sheeni ("I want to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like the crown that you are")

The support is also brilliant with some great small roles from Galifianakis, Buscemi, Ray Liotta as a slightly sleazy cop, Justin Long as Sheeni's stoner brother and the legendary Fred Willard as Nicks overenthusiastic neighbour.

Hopefully this will mean a bit more variety in roles for Cera (being seen next in Scott Pilgrim) although an Arrested Development movie is on the cards which would mean going back to the well one more time.

****

Michael Cera has his best role(s) yet in this sweet, funny comedy. Highly recommended.

Film Review: Moon

Out of all the genres of films I have to say that sci-fi - in particular space based sci-fi is my least favorite. I have never been able to pinpoint exactly why - maybe it is suspending disbelief THAT much. I can so Zombies, Werewolves, Vampires but aliens from another planet? Never quite got along with that.

Of course it's unfair to paint the entire genre with the same brush. There are the classics that transcend the tag 'sci-fi' such as Blade Runner, Alien and The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension (Which I may or may not be joking about.)

And now there is Moon. Directed by Duncan Jones (formerly Zowie Bowie, also a point to note his first feature film!) Moon stars Sam Rockwell as Sam Bell who is nearing the end of a three year stint mining the Moon for a new energy substance that is used as fuel on Earth. As the end nears things begin to get a little strange.

I can't really say anymore about the plot without spoilers cropping up so shall cut right to it. Moon is an amazing film which I throughly enjoyed even with a slightly shaky start (and that was down to me not having a clue what was going on - second viewing I know that feeling will be gone) and Sam Rockwell is truly superb (again I can't say too much about his performance for the sake of spoilers.)

Kevin Spacey also appears - providing the voice of Rockwell's stations computer GERTY. Spacey is perfect for the voice with an air of detachment and I never really knew whether to trust 'him' or not. Inspired vocal casting.

It boggles my mind how films in the same genre such as District 9 and Avatar (especially Avatar with its generic story and over-reliance on visual effects to tell said story) got Best Picture nods at this years Oscars while Moon got... nothing. Not even for Clint Mansell's magnificent score.

I urge you to check it out.

*****

An amazing debut, an amazing performance from Sam Rockwell, an amazing score...AMAZING.

Film Review: Survival Of The Dead

Survival Of The Dead follows 2007's Diary Of The Dead as George A. Romero's latest story from his '...Of The Dead' universe started back in 1968 with 'Night Of The Living Dead'.

If I am correct this is the first Romero Zombie film to go straight to DVD and to be honest its no better or worse than its handheld shot predecessor.

Survival picks up where Diary left of (which should make it about the same time that events in Dawn Of The Dead are happening, but obviously in a different period of time) and includes a character briefly featured in Diary - the soldier gone AWOL Sarge.

It follows Sarge (or 'Nictotine' Crocket if you read IMDB) and his men (and woman) as they try and find a safe place, and end up heading towards the isolated Plum Island where they encounter the warring Irish families the O' Flynn's and the Muldoons. No, really.

If the plot sounds a bit ropey...well that's because it is. The O' Flynns and Muldoons have different ideas about what to do with the 'Deadheads' - the former want to kill them, and the latter want to keep them alive in hope for a cure or maybe they may want to stop eating humans and have a nice pig or horse instead.

Luckily the fact remains that no-one can top George A. Romero for sheer, unadulterated zombie carnage. You'd think after over 40 years there would be a lack of innovative ways to off the undead, but Romero continues to lead with the way with some brilliantly creative ways. Best of which is probably with a flare gun.

But sadly that instance and sadly a few others in the film are hampered by some really shoddy CGI. When you have a makeup genius like Greg Nicotero on board you wouldn't think CGI is needed, but it is used and it almost looks cartoonish in places. But luckily its only really noticeable 3 or 4 times throughout the film.

I would probably be pushing this towards 3 and a half stars because I can kind of overlook the shoddy plot, but there's a little plot twist just before the start of the last act that really stinks so drags it back down a bit. And where has Romero's patented social satire gone?

Overall its another worthy entry but not a patch on the older ones and in no way a contender to the title of best 'Of The Dead' film, a prize that still goes to 'Day Of The Dead' (Oh yeah, I said it).

***

A bit of a mish mash with a poor plot meeting some brilliant zombie mayhem. Its nice and cheap though, so check it out if you're a fan of the series.

The Greatest Films You've Never Seen?

Well you may have. But this is a browse through my collection looking at the best of the 'not obvious'. Even if you haven't seen just one of the titles here my work is done!

The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension - Totally insane, almost senseless but in a strange way genius sci fi mess starring Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Christopher Lloyd and Jeff Goldblum. You could watch it 8 times and it still would make no sense but you'd still love it (Pictured)

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane: Rock And Roll Detective - Foul mouthed comedian Andrew Dice Clay stars as the titular Private Detective who investigates a death of a singer (Vince Neil) and a missing groupie. Wayne Newton plays the bad guy, Robert Englund plays an insane henchman and Al Bundy himself Ed O' Neill plays a cop who can't stand Fairlane.

At Close Range - Superb family drama with Sean Penn going against his estranged father Christopher Walken. Also look out for a very young Kiefer Sutherland.

Better Off Dead - Totally off the wall 80's teen comedy starring John Cusack. Not your traditional John Hughes stuff...

The Big Hit - Mark Wahlberg as a hitman in a film that also stars Lou Diamond Phillips? Sounds shit, but in reality a right laugh.

Black Rain - Sometimes forgotten Ridley Scott thriller starring Michael Douglas and Andy Garcia as 2 cops caught up in a Yakuza gang war.

Bubba Ho-Tep - Bruce Campbell plays an elderly Elvis in a nursing home who must battle an ancient Egyptian mummy.

Cobra - Sylvester Stallone is a take no prisoners cop who has to protect Bridgette Nielsen from a gang. That's all the plot there is, but still brilliant.

Creepshow - A great selection of horror shorts from George A. Romero and Stephen King, the latter who stars in one of them! Also starring Leslie Nielsen in a sinister role. The sequel is also worth a go.

Day Of The Dead - In my opinion superior to Romero's Night Of The Living Dead and Dawn Of The Dead, making it THE zombie film.

Forced Vengeance - Chuck Norris works for a casino owner, he gets killed by some competitors...Chuck goes after them. Sounds quite generic but it's HILARIOUS. Get a load of mates around and get quoting... "If I was a tree, I'd hide in a forest. But where am I going to hide in Hong Kong with 2 beautiful women?"

Fright Night - A teenager learns his neighbour is a vampire but no one believes him, so he enlists the help of a faded horror star. Brilliant 80s horror.

Ghoulies - And Ghoulies II and Ghoulies III - Ghoulies Go To College. Gremlins has a lot to answer for- such as this cheesetastic trilogy!

Glengarry Glen Ross - Big screen adaptation of David Mamet's play. An amazing cast, with amazing dialogue. Standing out being Alec Baldwin's small role near the start, and Al Pacino's tirade in the films final act.

Heathers - The anti-teen movie teen movie.

The Hitcher - The original not the sacrilegious Sean Bean remake. Rutger Hauer chilling in the title role.

Invasion U.S.A. - The U.S.A. is invaded by vaguely described Eastern Europeans, and only Chuck Norris can stop them.

JCVD - A bit of a slow goer, but Jean Claude Van Damme is amazing playing a fictional version of himself who gets caught up in a bank robbery. Should have relaunched his career. Didn't.

Less Than Zero - More 80s teen trouble as a student (Andrew McCarthy) returns home for the holidays to find his girlfriend a mess and his best friend (Robert Downey Jr.) strung out on drugs. Downey is superb. Not the happiest 80s teen movie though (its based on a Bret Easton Ellis book)

Lone Wolf McQuade - Chuck Norris vs. David Carradine. 'Nuff said.

Manhunter - It may be quite dated by this point, but it is still the best Hannibal Lecter (or Lektor) film. You may want to whisper it but Brian Cox makes a better Hannibal than Hopkins.

The Matador - Pierce Brosnan is brilliant as the fading hitman whose path crosses with a weary businessman (Greg Kinnear).

Midnight Run - Fantastic action comedy with Robert De Niro the bounty hunter sent after mob accountant Charles Grodin.

The Mist - The greatest Stephen King adaptor Frank Darrabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile) tries his hand at a King horror and continues the run. Best seen in black and white.

My Name Is Bruce - Bruce Campbell plays a horrific version of himself who is called upon by a small town who mistake him for the actual character out of the Evil Dead films to battle a monster who is plaguing the town. And loves bean curd.

Near Dark - Directed by recent Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow this vampire (although that word is never mentioned in the film) classic was released the same time as The Lost Boys and vanished without a trace. But guess what? It's better than The Lost Boys.

Office Space - Cult comedy from Mike Judge about the mundaneness of office work. Extremely quotable.

Over The Top - Sylvester Stallone must battle for his sons love whilst driving a big rig and competing in an arm wrestling tournament. Yes.

The Pope Of Greenwich Village - An impossibly young looking Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts lark around in this mob light drama. Not much happens really, its just stunning how young they look!

Raising Cain - John Lithgow plays multiple roles in this totally bonkers Brian De Palma thriller. Sadly Lithgow is the only one who brings any acting to the table, the rest are of soap opera standard.

Re-Animator - Utterly brilliant but totally disgusting horror film about a mad scientist who discovers how to reanimate corpses.

Red Dawn - Russia has invaded America. A group of teens including Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell and Charlie Sheen must battle them. Soon to be remade/ruined.

Ricochet - Former cop turned attorney Denzel Washington is terrorized by the criminal (A superb John Lithgow) who he put behind bars years ago.

St. Elmo's Fire - Often derided and mocked. Ignore that. This is one of the best 80s teen drama's out there and a cast to match (Estevez! Lowe! Nelson! Moore! McCarthy! Sheedy!)

She's Having A Baby - John Hughes looks at what happens after high school in this underrated comedy. Tissues out for the finale though, and stay tuned for the star-studded end credits.

The Sleepaway Camp Trilogy - The first is a straight laced Friday the 13th style horror with a killer ending, the second and third pre-date Scream in it's satirical look at the genre. All 3 an absolute riot.

State Of Grace - Irish Mob Drama starring Gary Oldman, Sean Penn and Ed Harris. Released the same time as Goodfellas got trampled. Its almost as good too!

The Sure Thing - Up there with The Breakfast Club as the greatest teen movie ever. John Cusack goes on a road trip to get laid with a girl he hates...guess what happens next? Rob Reiner (Spinal Tap, Princess Bride) directs.

Tango & Cash - Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell together! As cops who are framed for a crime they didn't commit.

They Live - Roddy Piper plays a drifter who finds a pair of special sunglasses that when you put them on shows you the world has been taken over by aliens. No wait, come back! It's awesome. John Carpenter directs!

To Live And Die In L.A. - Horrifically dated but still brilliant thriller about a secret service agent (William Petersen) after the counterfeiter (Willem Dafoe) who killed his partner.

Trick R' Treat - Almost a modern day Creepshow but with interwoven stories, this was released straight to DVD recently after years on the shelf. The opinion being the Saw films would trounce it at the box office. Its better than all the Saw films combined.

Troll 2 - The worst film ever? Judge for yourself. Bring beer.

Truth Or Consequences, N.M. - Kiefer Sutherland directs and stars in this action thriller about a drug deal gone awry. Some top notch action and Tarantino - esque dialogue.

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End - Didn't like the first one? Same here. This continues with the inbred hillbilly monster theme but is actually hilarious as Henry Rollins leads a reality TV show into the forest.

Film Review: Anvil! The Story Of Anvil

I will the first to admit. Before I had heard about this movie I had never heard of Anvil. Sure I may have skimmed past the name in an issue of Classic Rock once or twice but it never really registered. The Donington nerd in me knew they had played in 1982 at the Monsters Of Rock festival but that was about it.

Hell, it took me this long to watch the documentary! I didn't even see them play at last years Download festival.

To be honest, and contrary to public belief I'm not really into that particular brand of classic rock. Find the whole "Metulllzzz" thing a bit silly. Anvil do seem to have a few good songs though.

But even if you don't like rock music at all I urge you to check this documentary. It is one of the best I have seen. You don't have a heart if you don't feel for these guys by the end.

Anvil! follows the band as they commence a pretty disastrous European tour. I won't spoil it for people yet to watch but some of what happens to them borders on tragic. It can be really hard to watch in places, you really feel for the band.

It also centres of the friendship and home life of original members Steve 'Lips' Kudlow (Vocals/Guitar) and Robb Reiner (Drums, and coincidentally has the same name as the director of This Is Spinal Tap a film which Anvil! sadly echoes at times).

The director Sacha Gervasi (Best known till now for writing Tom Hanks vehicle The Terminal) has been a life long Anvil fan and it really shows at times. A lot of film makers would have shown what happened in a negative or comical light while Gervasi just shoots and it's the audience who decides what's 'funny' or 'sad'.

As I say, the fact it is about rock music is almost superfluous. Like all incredible pieces of film it strips that away and focuses on the people.

*****

Heart breaking and heart warming at the same time. Leave your pre-conceptions about what Anvil do at the door and enjoy this study of the men behind the music.

Film Review: Kick-Ass

Based on the comic book by Mark Millar, Kick-Ass is the newest film from Matthew Vaughan (Stardust, Layer Cake).

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) is a high school kid who doesn't fit really into any circles. Not a jock and not a nerd he just hangs out at a comic book store with his friends. One day he decides to become a super hero, mainly because he can't understand why no one else has done so.

This starts a chain reaction of trouble involving mobsters, drug dealers and actual superheroes...

After a run in with some drug dealers Lizewski (or Kick-Ass) runs into Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) and her father (Nicolas Cage) out for revenge against the mob boss (Mark Strong, who appears to be the villain in almost every film this year!).

The star of the show is undoubtedly Moretz as the foul mouthed Hit Girl whose opening line (as her masked persona) "Okay you cunts...let's see what you can do now" may well go down in the annals of film history, and as true identity Mindy McReady hits every emotional point you could imagine. Even though she is performing near-heresy by starring in the 'Let The Right One In' remake 'Let Me In', the kid has a bright future.

Another shocker is Nicolas Cage's return to form. Years of trash like Knowing, Bangkok Dangerous, Next, Ghost Rider, The Wicker Man...I could go on...but he is outstanding as Damon Macready or Big Daddy. A scene explaining the cause for Macready going after the mob is acted superbly by Cage and when he dons the suit he just does Adam West's Batman. It is a truely outstanding performance and coupled with the forthcoming 'Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans" this could truly be the year Cage gets his groove back.

Aaron Johnson is great as Kick-Ass also. It's one thing to watch a film and just laugh along with it and it's characters but it takes a lot of great writing and great performances to really feel for the characters and Johnson's performance (as well as Moretz' in particular) really make that happen. I don't cheer in the cinema but it happened twice!

Also worth kudo's is McLovin' himself Christopher Mintz -Plasse really moving away from that role somewhat as Mark Strong's son/self appointed 'hero' Chris D'amico/Red Mist.

To echo almost every other review going Kick-Ass is a blast. The Daily Mail actually published a review which actually said "Paedophiles are going to love her" and then goes on to publish statistics about underage sex around the world. I suggest you check it out - it is hilarious.

At the end of the day the films most important commodity is its heart. You care about the characters through all their ups and downs. And its a great laugh too.

*****

An absolute blast. It wasn't quite going to get the full 5, but the fact that it got a great performance out of Nicolas Cage warrants it an extra star. Go see it right now!

Film Review: The Addiction

Released simultaneously with his gangster piece 'The Funeral', 'The Addiction' is Abel Ferrera's 'vampire' movie, but as you may expect from the guy - it's not exactly straight forward.

Like 'Near Dark' (and that is where the similarities end) the 'V' word is never mentioned, and the film is shot entirely in black and white.

Lili Taylor plays Kathleen Conklin a grad student who is attacked and bitten one night (by Annabella Sciorra) and is left to deal with the consequences of her new found addiction.

As the film goes on Kathleen has to deal with her urge for blood by however possible, and therein also lies the main reference of the film - the allegory of blood addiction to drug addiction. There is also mention of how mankind is addicted to evil, used in the graphic documentary footage of atrocities that occurred in Vietnam and World War II.

Sadly, I found the references to be about as subtle as a sledgehammer, and the movie is dragged down for me by the main characters just endlessly quoting philosophers. I'm not saying I was looking for more action or anything like that, but it was in very real danger of dissapearing up its own arse at times.

Also the music used - mid -90s hip hop and rap like Cypress Hill and Schooly D- seems totally at odds with the film.

But onto the positives - Taylor puts in a good, tortured performance but Christopher Walken steals the entire movie in the 2 scenes he is in as Peina who not only has learnt how to curb his own addiction but survive in the outdoor world during the day. The first scene he is in is nothing short of electrifying.

Another highlight was the brutal and disturbing 'Graduation Party' scene. Graphic and somehow very REAL this really shows what this film could have been. I'm not advocating more violence but the tension and uneasy feeling the scene produces vanishes as soon as it ends.

Also worth pointing out for Soprano's fans that as well as Sciorra watch out for Edie Falco and a blink and you'll miss it appearance from Michael Imperioli as a Missionary of all things!

**

Different? Yes. Interesting? Depends how you feel about philosophy I guess. But the fantastic Christopher Walken and an outstanding set-piece just before the films last act may make it worth a watch for some.

Film Review: Iron Man 2

Blockbuster season seems to come earlier and earlier every year, and 2010 begins in April (over a week before US audiences get it) with the sequel to Jon Favreau's enjoyable Iron Man.

Set 6 months after the end of the first movie we find Tony Stark (The always brilliant Robert Downey Jr.) opening the Stark Expo - a year long celebration of all things science (and ego), doing battle with the Government (Garry Shandling is brilliantly snide as a Senator who wants Stark to hand over the Iron Man 'weapon') and a rival mogul in Justin Hammer (another great performance from Sam Rockwell)

Stark also soon has to deal with the imposing Whiplash a Russian scientist avenging the shaming and deportation of his late father by Stark's late father. Whiplash (pictured above) played by the great Mickey Rourke in a well deserved return to big screen blockbusters. Who would have thought ten years ago Downey Jr. and Rourke would be 'co-headlining' a Summer event picture?

Iron Man 2 is in every way imaginable a step up from its predecessor. With the storyline and character building necessary to tell the audience the origins of the characters we got in the original, Iron Man 2 puts its foot to the floor and rarely lets up.

We also get more of Stark's friend Jim Rhodes (now played by Don Cheadle, replacing Terrence Howard) who finally steps into his own suit: War Machine and there is a great sequence pitting the two friends together with explosive results.

As well as more antagonists this time around there are also more allies. Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson return as Agent Coulson and Nick Fury from S.H.I.E.L.D. respectively, and Scarlett Johansson also appears as Stark's new secretary, but has a lot more to her than that...

Downey Jr. seems to have been born to play this role and is every bit as entertaining and tragic as he was in the original. From making you laugh out loud one minute, to make you feel for him as he drunkenly tells a room full of people how he manages to urinate in the Iron Man suit, he just nails everything and continues to show why he is one of the greatest actors of his generation. Superhero film or not.

Hopefully everything will continue to ride nicely along to 2012's Avengers movie with him intact. Would be a shame to see it go any other way. And talking of that - stay behind for another post credits sequence. Not as jaw dropping as Fury's appearance at the end of the first film but very, very cool none-the-less.

****

Turning everything to 11 and amping up the action - Iron Man 2 is an absolute blast and the best way possible to start Blockbuster season 2010.

Old Reviews

The next few reviews are coming from my not-used-much House Of Films blog, which I shall shortly close down. The most recent review from there is over a year old so I think it's time to switch them over. Hope you enjoy them.

Film Review: Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

About a month and a half ago, I filmed a special video review of the remake of Wes Craven's classic Nightmare On Elm Street. But for reasons passing understanding, I never posted it on here. So for your viewing pleasure, here is the video in question. Enjoy.

Film Review: Race To Witch Mountain

For someone who moans on about remakes/reboots/reimaginings as much as I do, I sure watch a lot of them. Most I am right to moan about and are pointless money making tools (although more often that they barely make enough to break even) but there are a few that actually either could do with remaking (if it's a good idea, but poorly executed originally) or while being totally pointless, are actually good.

Race To Witch Mountain falls in the latter category. It's kind of a remake of the 1975 film Escape To Witch Mountain, but doesn't really contain a lot of the plot points.In fact 'Escape' was remade in 1995 and featured Elisabeth Moss (of West Wing and Mad Men fame) as one of the kids! But the main story that two aliens disguised as children have to get to Witch Mountain remain in the 2009 version.

This time round, Dwayne Johnson stars as Jack Bruno, a former getaway driver for the mob turned taxi driver. When two kids (AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) appear in his car asking to be driven to the middle of nowhere, and waving a lot of money around, he accepts. As it turns out the kids are aliens searching for their ship, already taken by a shadowy defense department unit led by Henry Burke (Ciaran Hinds), and now after them. Also after the 'kids' is an alien assassin called a Siphon, and all of them are heading for Witch Mountain.

Overall there's nothing to the film really, it's just a bit of fun. The action is pretty much non-stop, thanks to its trim 98 minute running time (Disney deciding not to do a overlong snoozefest for once) and kids will love it. Adults will dig it to, mainly due to Dwayne Johnson's planet sized charisma, it's impossible not to like the guy, and further cements his status as best wrestler-turned-actor ever (apologies to Roddy Piper, Hulk Hogan and...ahem...John Cena.)

It didn't get a great critical response when it came out, but I can't see why. It's just an hour and a half of fun and adventure that doesn't get boring or outstay it's welcome. Exactly what Disney's modus operandi should be. Plonk the kids down in front of it, and switch off for a bit.

***

You won't find anything original or inventive here, but Race To Witch Mountain is a fun bit of fluff while it's on, and will easily amuse kids, both regular and big, alike.

Film Review: No Retreat, No Surrender

If ever a film encompassed everything good and bad about the eighties it's No Retreat, No Surrender. It seems to cover as many cliches as it can within 90 minutes. But don't think for a moment I'm saying this as a negative...

Tom Stillwell (Timothy D. Baker) runs a successful karate school in Los Angeles. But after class one night, members of a crime syndicate show up to take it over. Opposing this, Tom gets his leg broken by Ivan 'The Russian' Kraschinsky (Jean Claude Van Damme) and up sticks, taking his family to Seattle where his son (and student) Jason (Kurt McKinney) continues his training in their garage, now against his Dads wishes, and finds love, and gets bullied by the Seattle Karate gang.

So far, so Karate Kid. But every Karate Kid needs a trainer. This is where No Retreat, No Surrender takes a strange turn. After a humiliating experience at a party, Jason is visited by the ghost of his idol, Bruce Lee. Played by a guy who looks nothing like Bruce Lee, except for the fact he is Chinese. It's ludicrous stuff as the spirit starts to train Jason into becoming a martial arts master.

Getting past the fact the filmmakers seemed to have hired the first Chinese guy they came across (although Tai Chung Kim, the actor who plays the ghost, was one of the doubles in Game Of Death, after Lee had died), the ghost Bruce Lee comes across as a complete dick. Poking his finger in Jason's face, smacking him around the head, and when finally Jason makes good, he just walks off into a Quantum Leap style wall of light, without saying a word, never to be seen again. What a douchebag!

A particularly brilliant 80's cliche is the fat bully, and No Retreat, No Surrender has a corker. A quick glance on Wikipedia has him credited as 'Scott the Fatboy'. We are introduced to this character as he stands in the street, leaning against a car, eating a massive cake from a plate, chocolate all around his mouth. Later, we see him in a burger restaurant, shoveling them away, shirt covered with mustard. Nice.

There is also the horrifically cliched R.J. He's black, so obviously he can rap on demand, skateboard, breakdance...it's strange that films were still being made in the mid 80s that contained this sort of stereotyping. But at the same time you kind of expect it.

And what of Van Damme? The 'Muscles from Brussels' in one of his first film roles...playing a Russian. The DVD cover would have you believe he's the star of the film, when in fact he's only in two scenes book ending the film. He gets a lot of Van Damme trademarks in there though, the splits, lingering shot of his backside etc., but when he does speak he doesn't make much of an attempt to cover up his accent.

As a side note, Van Damme was going to be in the sequel to this but he decided it wouldn't further his career, and opted not to. He also convinced co-star Kurt McKinney to bail also, and neither turned up for the first day of shooting. Professional behaviour!

The music is also a bit strange. In the American release its's all music from HK films like Project A and Police Assassins, but over here it's whatever is about at the time. Most of which sounds like leftover score from a Hitchcock film. But we do get the epic 'Hold On To Your Vision' which is one of the best (cheesiest) montage songs ever. And the montage it's used on contains possibly the most homo-erotic moment of any 80s film ("You want me to suck on this chocolate ice cream, whilst sitting on your crotch as you use your crotch to lift me up and down? OKAY!")

I couldn't get my head around the final fight though. The sight of Jason just beating the crap out of Jean Claude Van Damme just seemed preposterous to me. Probably watched too many JCVD films - no one treats him like that!

But for all its stereotyping and cliches, and maybe because of these reasons, it's a very entertaining film to sit and watch with a group of people, even if the exact same film with the exact same plot was made 37 times in the 80s.

***1/2

Losing points for lack of advertised JCVD and the cookie cutter characters, No Retreat...is still a cult classic, and tremendous fun to watch. But no one would ever whoop Van Damme like that, though!

Last Nights Dream

This is worth a mention, thanks to sending a text to someone about the dream as soon as I woke up!

The earliest point in it, my friend Michelle and I were running along the beach, kind of sand dune area, being chased by zombies! With us was Hulk Hogan in his red and yellow wrestling attire seen below.

The dunes seemed to surround a building that was being used as a wrestling school (I'm assuming it was run by Hulk Hogan), and the dream kept cutting to the students inside who were all quite fat. The building was surrounded by zombies.

We got inside and had a massive battle with the zombies. I remember reaching for an iron at one point. A lot of the fat wrestling school students were being killed. I was knocked down by a fat zombie, then Michelle knocked him over and we both disemboweled her (yep, a female fat zombie) just as a police officer arrived - who was Eddie Murphy - and said "We had taken it too far". I then woke up.

So, anyone want to take a guess at the meaning behind that one?

Film Review: Triangle

Another film that I had heard good things about for a while now, and not got round to watching is Triangle, a joint UK and Australia starring Melissa George. She plays Jess, a single mother to an autistic child. A friend invites her and some others for a day of sailing, but after a freak storm leaves one of them dead and the rest capsized, help comes their way when an ocean liner appears. But all is not what it seems.

Triangle is another one of those films that it doesn't pay to reveal too much about, other than the preceding paragraph, so will keep things as concise and spoiler free as possible.

It's a decent enough little film, not as mind blowing as reviews I read suggested (whatever is though?) but it kept me watching for it's trim 99 minute running time. And for a film that is full of twists and turns and a plot where you really have to pay close attention, its admirable it was condensed into so short a span, and didn't seem at all rushed.

George is good as Jess, and a last act reveal about her makes the character a lot more interesting and sets up the finale perfectly (the fact she spends the bulk of the film running around in denim shorts was also something this reviewer was cool with.)

But overall, its an original, entertaining film that kept this reviewer occupied, but I don't think it's one I'd watch again. Maybe it's because once you know what's on the ocean liner it would lose something second viewing, or maybe it's because it just wasn't up there with the hype.

***

A decent enough psychological horror with all the tense moments you'd like and an engaging performance from Melissa George, with a great ending. But once you've seen it, you've seen it. Worth a rental.

Film Review: Pirates Of The Carribean: On Stranger Tides

As inevitable as the tides (getting any form of nautical puns out of the way early), here comes the 4th installment of the adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow as Disney rolls out Pirates Of The Carribean: On Stranger Tides.

Loosely based on the 1987 novel 'On Stranger Tides', but replacing the books main character with Sparrow (Johnny Depp, returning again) in a race to reach the fountain of youth against Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush, also returning) and series newcomers Angelica (Penelope Cruz) and the fearsome Blackbeard (Ian McShane), encountering many dangers along the way like mermaids (scarier than they sound...just) and Blackbeards zombiefied crew.

Along with McShane and Cruz, the film also has a new director. Rob Marshall (Chicago, Nine) replacing Gore Verbiniski.

Gone now are the hyper annoying duo of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, replaced my preacher Phillip Swift (Sam Claflin) and good mermaid Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey.) The latters character given that a name in one of the films more ridiculous moments ("That's not her name! It's erm...er..".)

Unfortunately the film is full of ridiculous moments, gaping plot holes, and just an air of pointlessness. It's great to see Depp and Rush back, for about ten minutes. After that it just feels like you're watching a re-run of one of the first three 'Pirates' movies.

Ian McShane is good as Blackbeard (and at times you think he is going to break out into full on Al Swearengen mode, then you remember it's a Disney movie), but he is not given much to work with at all. He could have been a truly great character, but much like Chow Yun-Fat in 'At World's End' is not in it nearly enough to be memorable.

Penelope Cruz fails to impress also, ending up just being irritating for most of her screen time. Only really memorable thing with her scenes is the very racy dialogue with Sparrow. In fact, for a Disney film there is way too many 'dirty jokes' for lack of a better term - hell there's even a rather in your face missionary position reference!

When the big action sequences start though, the film does get good. Not as memorable as the big set pieces in the earlier films, these are all quite watchable and that is quite surprising considering director Rob Marshall is primarily known for his musicals.

The whole thing just seems pointless. We've just seen it all before. You can say it's always good to see Captain Jack back, but we have 3 films worth of his adventures, there's no need to stretch out a story which was just referenced in the previous movie. And this one is the shortest of the series, at just 2 hours and 16 minutes, but everything still seems dragged out. Maybe if it was whittled down by 20 minutes or so, possibly losing the preposterous mermaid stuff (which was not in the book) it would be a better watch.

But I guess there is a need to stretch things out - money, and this will make Disney a ton more, as if it needs it, and probably set up a 5th installment in the series, albeit this time with no setup, just a brand new story. One hopefully more engaging than this one was.

**

Decent action, the fleeting good feeling of seeing Captain Jack back and Ian McShane bring his menacing bad guy to the big screen are the only thing that save POTC4 from a one star review. When I tell you The Lonely Islands music video 'Jack Sparrow' is more entertaining, you know the series should just stop now.

Film Review: Orphan

The one thing, above all else, that I find creepy in horror films are kids. Not like 'part of the family' kids, but the 'there's something not quite right here' kids. Like Damien in the Omen films, and the twins in The Shining (and that was a big factor as to why I couldn't watch that film all the way through, that was how terrifying I found them!) So I decided to give Orphan a watch, and it's safe to say you can add it to the pile of scary movie kids.

Following a dip into alcoholism after their last child was stillborn, Kate (Vera Farmiga) and John Coleman (Peter Sarsgaard) adopt Esther, a 9 year old Russian girl from an orphanage to join their family, along with deaf mute daughter Max (Aryana Engineer, actually hearing impaired in real life) and Daniel (Jimmy Bennett, who you may remember playing the child Kirk in the Star Trek reboot), but before long things start to take a sinister turn.

Orphan is a routinely terrifying film that manages to make even the most innocent surrounding, like a play park, or a treehouse seem tense beyond belief. But none of this would have been possible without the orphan herself, Esther (a brilliant performance by Isabelle Fuhrman) who is absolutely chilling throughout. The dialogue that she has to come out with at some points in the film (not less her actions) must be hard for a child actor to pull off, but Fuhrman really does. An actress to look out for in the future.

Farmiga also impresses as the distraught mother, but to be honest Sarsgaard and the other kids aren't really given that much to do in comparison, but no one drags the film down or anything. It was also nice to see CCH Pounder (who I last saw in The Shield, well Avatar too, but that was terrible, so doesn't count) as the nun who runs the orphanage.

The film has quite the lengthy running time for what it is, but any fears of it starting to drag for me were soon put to bed by an absolutely bat shit crazy final act revelation that while is quite, quite mental, doesn't cause it to come off the rails, rather take things to a whole different level. A brave move for sure, but it works. And to be honest, without it I don't know where they could have taken the film and kept my interest.

****

If you find creepy kids scary, this will be the terrifying ride for you. If it's clowns, you may want to knock a star off. A tense, at times mildly disturbing film that is actually improved by the bonkers final act. Add to that a great titular performance, and you have a highly recommended horror.