Thom's Tangents III

It's back! A forum for me to mouth off about various subjects. Quite a lot has caught my ear and eyes (that's all the orifices, mind) the last week or so, and rather do blogs of various shapes and sizes I thought I would resurrect the Tangents.

And apologies to my Facebook acolytes - I will be reusing 2 jokes I made in statuses in the last week. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. If not - fuck off. There's about a 20% chance I don't like you and am friends with you for the sake of things not being awkward anyway...

The big news story this week was Rothbury gunman Raoul Moat, who after evading capture after shooting his ex, killing her boyfriend AND shooting a policeman, was finally tracked down. And he ended up shooting himself after a 6 hour standoff (apparently involving John Locke from Lost - see here > http://bit.ly/bw4oe6).

Not to make light of what happened at all. It seems like a pretty fucked up situation and it's never good when someone gets shot and killed for no real reason.

BUT.

Paul Gascoigne showed up at the scene of the stand off.

He brought lager, KFC, a dressing gown and a fishing rod for Raoul Moat.

Then he gave a radio interview. This radio interview...

Hard to follow that up really. Just brilliant. How much better was the whole situation after Gazza showed up? Yeah Moatie shot himself but a pissed out of his head Gazza showed up with some chicken and a fishing rod for him!

That's it for news stories now. They need to be of a lighter tone. We need Paul Gascoigne to show up when things are looking their darkest. With props where appropriate.

Middle East conflict looking a bit grim? Gazza In Gaza.

Staying with Moatie for a moment - the saturation coverage that the news channels gave this was unbelievable! I'm not saying a tense stand off is an everyday occurrence but it happens a fair bit, I'm sure. Why was this one given the full treatment by the media?

Prime time Friday night we had 6 hours of a bloke lying on the grass, while the news commentators desperately tried to fill the boredom talking about anything from Moat's hat to the drainage system. It just wasn't THAT newsworthy. Well, except the Gazza thing- that was fucking priceless.

Talking of dragging things out for a fucking eternity - the World Cup finally ended last night with (SPOILER ALERT) Spain winning, beating the Netherlands. Germany - who you may remember handed England their arses a few weeks ago - came third.

Whilst on break at work on the Sunday of the final (or yesterday as some people may prefer to put it) Sky Sports News anchor Sam Matterface (yes...Matterface) asked the question "What would you have been doing today if England had made it though to the World Cup finals?"

Having thought about it, I offer this as what I would have been doing if England had made the World Cup finals...

Having kicked Christina Ricci out of bed for farting, I'd have nipped into the kitchen and made some breakfast. After that I'd make a few phone calls and sorted out the Israeli - Palestine conflict. After lunch, I would pop down to the lab and cure AIDs. And seeing as I would have a few hours to kill at the end of the day, I'd fuck Scarlett Johansson on the back of a bright green unicorn.

Bringing things back to a more local scale - check out these dickheads > http://bit.ly/de6HVq

Yes I work at the branch in question, but the question has to be asked...would you really go running to the local paper because you got I.D'd in a shop? I have been I.D.'d when I haven't had any on me before - the first thought that crossed my mind was "Crap - forgot it!" not "I wonder how much the Mirror will give me for this gem?"

Not sure if the Evening News would pay money for that story though. It must have been a hell of a slow news day when they decided to run the 'Girl Gets I.D'd In Shop' story.

Not to turn into Worky McWorkington but if you work on a checkout and you suspect someone is buying alcohol for a minor you don't allow the sale. Simple as. The girl in question looks younger than 25 and that's the way the cookie crumbles!

And crying about it in the car park? Get a grip love, you got I.D.'d. That shit happens. I think that bit was made up to try and get some sympathy anyway. Obviously that died on it's arse when it gets to me...

One of my friends this week spent the day doing one of the most pointless activities I have ever heard. A cake decorating course. No, really. I'm pretty sure that once you know how to decorate a cake...well that is pretty much it. There's nowhere else to go. It's kind of like learning to ride a bike. That's it. You can't like...ride a bike upside down.

And so it was. A bit of cake decorating was followed by a healthy dose (or unhealthy dose I'd wager) of box decorating. For the cakes to go in. I would want my money back and I'd want my time back.

Well that's about it for the third collection of tangents. Sure there will be more soon. Very soon in fact - I'm pretty convinced I have forgotten something I was going to write about. PRO.