The Worst Films of 2011

Unlike my Top Ten of the best of the previous year, I'm not going to present anything spectacular here, just a list, in no particular order, of the worst dreck that has been released. No pictures, no directorial information, just the facts.

But before that, let me just say that there may be much worse out there. I had no interest in seeing pointless remakes like Conan, Fright Night and their ilk. And neither did anyone else by the look of it, as the takings were pitiful. But the following films were the worst I've tolerated this year.

Honorary mentions should go to these films first though. They weren't dreadful, but just lacked a point and/or were a huge disappointment...

The Honorary Mentions


Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows - the original wasn't exactly mindblowing, and this offered more of the same, but duller. At least Jared Harris was good as Moriarty.

Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence - not entirely sure what I was expecting, but it didn't come off very well at all. Lost the dark humour of the original, and was genuinely unpleasant to watch.

Troll Hunter - The trailer for this looked so promising, and it wasn't dreadful, but I was let down by it. Quite a personal choice there, someone else may get more out of it than I did.

The Green Lantern - Didn't mind it at the time (this will be a common theme in my list) but as time went on, the fact dawned on me that I don't really want to see it again. Or a sequel.

Right, then. The following is the worst of the worst. If you got any enjoyment out of these, you're seriously on the wrong blog. In no particular order...

THE WORST FILMS OF 2011


Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
OK, forget what I just said. This is truly the most vile, repugnant piece of shit of the year. A film about toys is turned into another bad language peppered, T&A fest by the detestable Michael Bay. Naming a film Transforners and have it be about incredibly annoying humans is all kinds of wrong. No one comes out of this with any dignity, not even John Malkovich, whose last scene in the film involves him being tickled by a Transformer. And a character from the next terrible film on the list showed up in it for no reason! Transformers: Dark Of The Moon was the definition of 'cinema for idiots'.

The Hangover Part Two
Whereas the original Hangover was vaguely amusing (not the "funniest film ever" as some frankly insane reviewers stated), the sequel looked to repeat that. Literally. It's the exact same film, but in another country, and with the same jokes slightly grosser. Even the 'wacky' cameos of the first film repeat, for absolutely no reason other than to keep idiot fans of the franchise feeling safe and within their comfort zone. A sickening turd of a film.

The Thing
Not so much terrible, as absolutely pointless. John Carpenter's version had an air of ambiguity in places, questions that needed answering, but were left open. Not even pressing questions - just "what happened to the original camp?". This prequel clods along and answers the questions no one was asking, but removing all tension that the original possessed.

30 Minutes Or Less
Absolute waste of time. Written by someone who just discovered how to swear, this was mercifully short, but still dragged. There were some amusing moments, but they were few and far between.

Trespass
Only natural that a Nicolas Cage film appears on the list. I had real trouble staying through this one, mainly because I expected better from everyone involved (well maybe not Cage). A home invasion turns into an Eastenders style melodrama, but with worse acting. Everyone screams a lot, and Joel Schumacer almost makes a film that stinks even more than Batman And Robin. Had the most hilariously dire box office haul in the States too, was on DVD 2 weeks later!

Cowboys And Aliens
Too many cliches spoil the film. Yeah, you should expect them in a film with this title, but it was just awful. Everyone has a special quest to achieve, and the moment you saw Harrison Ford, you knew he'd turn out to be a good egg in the end. Forgettable pap.

Sucker Punch
Confusing nonsense from Zack Snyder, who I expected better from. Yes, there are attractive young ladies in leather beating people up, but not even that can maintain the interest levels. The wrong kind of 'stupid action movie'. Hopefully he's got it all out of his system in time for Man Of Steel.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
I must have been in an amazing mood when I reviewed this originally, granting it two (!) stars. In hindsight, it should have dropped one. You'd think it would be better, losing the cardboard cut out duo of Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom, and having a much shorter running time, but it's just as bad, if not worse. Even worse supporting actors, with a coma inducing storyline, and most criminally of all, wasting the great Ian McShane in the role of Blackbeard. Utterly sick of Jack Sparrow too now, and that takes a special kind of bad to make that happen.

Scream 4
Or Scre4m. Quite a lot of people seemed to love this, and I have no clue why. Slightly better than the third installment, but not by much. This is truly the definition of a sequel nobody asked for. I don't know what Wes Craven has been smoking the last couple of years, what with this and My Soul To Take, but he needs to kick it. A boring waste of time.

11-11-11
At least not many people (if anyone) saw this. I'm not even entirely sure it got released, or if it did it wasn't on 11-11-11, which would have made sense. An interesting story about a man whose life revolves around events that include the number 11, this could have been really good. Sadly it was as dull as dishwater and never seemed to start, let alone end. And who would want to watch it now anyway? As it is about a single day in a single year that will never happen again, it had a shelf life of 24 hours. Good work.

So that's the list for 2011. I know 2012 will bring it's share of awful films. I can see them coming already, just look at Men In Black 3. Everyone getting quite excited about how amazing it's going to be. Have they all forgotten the woeful MIB2? That film sucked!

I like to think I could avoid everything awful out there, but I have a feeling I'll be back here in a year with another list. In the meantime, you'll read about everything I see at the cinema on here, as usual.

Happy New Year!