Film Review: The Amazing Spider-Man

The first thing that hits you about The Amazing Spider-Man is the same thing people have been saying since the film was announced. It's too soon. And, yes this reboot comes just ten years after Sam Raimi released his first Spider-Man film, and only 5 years after his last.

That last film was pretty bad, but not bad enough to warrant a franchise reboot, but here we are. With a new take on the origin story of Peter Parker becoming Spider-Man. But does it really add anything? Surprisingly, the answer is yes, and in a big way.

This time round the metamorphosis into Spider-Man isn't by chance, like in the first film from 2002. There, Peter Parker (then played by Tobey Maguire) just happened to be on a school trip where he just happened to be bitten by a radioactive spider. This time everything ties in with the main plot of the film, and it serves the film much better from a story and character point of view.

"At least I don't look stupid..."

After discovering some old papers of his parents, who mysteriously died years ago, Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) follows the clues within them to Oscorp, and Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans), and whilst there suffers a bite from a radioactive spider, changing his life forever.

With everything tying in with the plot, the characters are far better than the previous Spider-Man films. Andrew Garfield makes for a far more interesting Spidey than Tobey Maguire, and the same can be said for Emma Stone as love interest Gwen Stacey over Kirsten Dunsts Mary Jane. And even better, Garfield and Stone have far greater on-screen chemistry as a couple.

Where the character and story are stronger, the action is slightly weaker than its predecessors. Obviously, when you have a director like Sam Raimi, you are always going to get a very interesting style, a style that new director Marc Webb has yet to attain. But the action sequences are competent, and the film even harkens back to the first Raimi with a big  'Don't mess with New York' moment.

One moment I knew that was going to tug on the heart strings from the moment it was announced was Martin Sheen playing Uncle Ben. Even if you're not a comic book fan, you should know what happens there, and it's highly emotional stuff. And there's a callback to it near the end of the film that if you don't well up, you have no soul.

If the film had one point letting itself down, it would probably be the lead villain of the Lizard. Through no fault of Ifans, it just doesn't become that interesting a character, and that side of things is let down a bit.

When it comes down to it, it all depends on what you want out of the film. If it's slam-bam action with crazy camera work, then the Sam Raimi films will do you. But if you want more interesting characters, and a richer plot then the new Amazing Spider-Man is well worth a watch.

****
A new and improved Spider-Man, with a new and improved love interest to boot. Great performances and story, slightly let down by a weak villain. Just edges out Raimi's original. Just.

Film Review: American Reunion

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the biggest fan of the American Pie franchise. At the time, I found the original as amusing as the next person, although I fear for it's rewatch value. As for the sequel, memories aren't too great, and I never bothered the other sequels and DTV efforts that have been constantly released up till the announcement of a movie reuniting the original cast...

Jim (Jason Biggs), Stifler (Seann William Scott), Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) and the rest of the gang all return home for their high school reunion, but who has grown up and who hasn't? That's pretty much all the synopsis, you can kinda guess where it goes from there.

American Reunion is nowhere near as bad as I was expecting. It's not that great, but there are at least a few amusing moments. A failed attempt by Jim to watch some online porn whilst his wife Michelle is in the shower is thwarted by their baby son is a scene that elicited a couple of (immature) chuckles from me, and pretty much every scene with Jim's Dad (the ever brilliant Eugene Levy) were also good, including a part where he's signed up to a Jewish online dating site. And of course Stifler gets a few good lines in, but most of them fall flat.

There's a couple of new characters in the film that impress. Regular readers of the blog know how I rate Katrina Bowden as comedy actress (although she was utterly wasted in Piranha 3DD), and she has some great moments as Oz' (Chris Klein) new girlfriend, Mia, whose best moments are when her character is...utterly wasted.

The gang belatedly return

Also playing a brilliant douchebag boss (of Stifler) is Chuck alumni Vik Sahay. It would be good to see him in more stuff now Chuck has come to an end.

Everyone and everything else about the film is sadly pretty predictable. From the outset, you know exactly where everyone's storyline is going. You can see the inevitable 'bust up, only to be reunited' bit coming from several miles away, and the only surprising bit is how quickly and easily they patch everything up.

I guess it's admirable that they managed to get everyone back, but for someone who only saw the first two back when they first came out, I had no idea as to who some of the minor characters were. I had no idea John Cho was the first 'MILF guy' till now! So I imagine a lot of the jokes and references will work for fans of the franchise.

Some of the returns did cause a few raised eyebrows. Tara Reid (Vicky) has of course a few nasty looking run-ins with the plastic surgeons knife since the original film (Google it, it's pretty grim) but somehow emerges  looking exactly the same as she did in 1999. Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia) on the other hand now looks nothing like how she used to, and it's a good thing she was only in one scene, as it seemed liked a replacement actress scenario!

The nagging factor for me during this film is that no one would go to the cinema to see a film with these guys on their own (with the possible exception of Seann William Scott, who still manages to get the odd big film in), but together it's somehow OK? It's not even like they are a great ensemble cast or anything. The franchise tried to do the films with different, younger actors and that didn't work. And now the original cast, and it' still not very good. It may be time to finally end the American Pie franchise...

**
I'll give it 2 stars as there was some amusing moments peppered throughout, but it's just all too predictable and generic. Hope this is the end of the road for the franchise.

Film Review: Two Evil Eyes

Two Evil Eyes is a film I have been meaning to watch for some time now. A collaboration between horror legends George A. Romero and Dario Argento, who both take a short story from Edgar Allen Poe as their inspiration (The Facts In The Case Of Mr. Valdemar and The Black Cat respectively), the overall film really is a game of two halves. Let's take a look at them both separately...

The Facts In The Case Of Mr. Valdemar


Now, I'm a huge fan of Romero, and totally expected this to be the superior part of the film, but what I got was 52 minutes of melodrama, with some admittedly impressive scenes chucked in.

Mr. Valdemar has seen better days...

A wife (Adrienne Barbeau) colludes with a doctor (who she is also having an affair with, and played by Ramy Zada) to hypnotise her deathbed bound husband (Bingo O' Malley) into signing over all his money to her. Things become unstuck though when the husband dies whilst still in a trance, and becomes stuck between this world and the next, haunting the wife and doctor whilst his body lies in a freezer in the basement...

Half of that synposis even sounds like a daytime soap opera, and it does come across like that times, despite the best efforts of Barbeau, who is great in the lead, and a couple of nicely shot scenes by Romero. It does also have Tom Atkins crop up near the end, unsurprisingly playing a cop, for a nice and gory conclusion to the story. Not Romero's greatest work, not his worst either.

The Black Cat


When it comes to Dario Argento, I am a bit of a novice. Several years ago I tried to watch some of his work, and I'm not going to lie to you, dear reader, but I didn't have a clue what was going on. Now several years later, I loved his part of Two Evil Eyes, and fully intend to go back through his work again, now I have a greater appreciation of all things horror.

"Give us a smile love!"

In The Black Cat, a forensic photographer (Harvey Keitel) starts to get a resentful and angry when his girlfriend brings a stray cat home. Multiple (unexplained) attempts to do the cat in follow, and the photographer grows more and more deranged, as the cat always crops back up again...

Some of The Black Cat doesn't really make that much sense on film, such as why Keitels character is that annoyed by the cats presence, or how the passage of time manages to pass THAT quickly (a book is seemingly published in record time), but Argento's fantastic shooting and Keitels frankly batshit crazy (or catshit in this case) performance make it all worthwhile.

The Black Cat also contains some truly memorable scenes, including a naked woman who has been cut in half with a pendulum slicer (we get that mere seconds in), another whose teeth have all been removed whilst their mouth has been held open by metallic grips and a truly grisly 'behind the wall' discovery. Great stuff.

The Facts In The Case Of Mr. Valdemar - **
The Black Cat - ***1/2


Overall - ***


A below-par first story made up for with a crazy second, even with it's plot holes. Underrated stuff overall.

Film Review: A Thousand Words

When Tower Heist was released at the end of last year, there was an interview with Eddie Murphy where he stated he wanted to make "edgier" films, and move away from the family stuff he had been churning out for the past few years.

For long-term fans of Murphy, this was probably the best news in ages. Having to tolerate steaming hot garbage like Meet Dave, Pluto Nash and the reprehensible Norbit for well over a decade, we were long overdue the return of a guy who (believe it or not) was at one point one of the funniest people on the planet.

Coincidentally, what I was doing by the end of the film...

So along comes A Thousand Words, and technically this one isn't entirely Murphy's fault, at least historically speaking, as it was made 3 years BEFORE he made his statement about edgier films...

This time Murphy plays a literary agent, Jack McCall who makes a slightly dodgy book deal with a spiritual guru (Cliff Curtis) which results in a tree growing in his backyard. Every time Jack says a word, a leaf falls from the tree. When the tree drops its last leaf, it and Jack both die. Cue "hilarious" hijinks as Jack tries to live his live without being the egotistical motormouth he is.

You'd think a film these days where Eddie Murphy doesn't speak would be a good thing, but it's not to be. It's just brutally unfunny mugging at work dealing with his assistant Aaron (Clark Duke) and his boss Samantha (West Wing alumni Allison Janney slumming it) and at home with his wife Caroline (Kerry Washington) and young child.

Most attempts at humour throughout remain exactly that. Attempts. A brief, tiny ray of light comes in the form of Jack McBrayer playing a coffee shop barista attempting to work out Jack's orders but that is as far as it goes. The film is just not funny.

To make matters even worse, the third act of the film turns into the most sentimental, stomach churning mush I have had the misfortune to witness in years. Deciding to change moods almost completely, we see Jack come to terms with his impending demise, in the most heavy handed way imaginable, before reaching a soul saving conclusion the viewer reached about 20 minutes into the film.

It's getting to the point where it's like shooting fish in a barrel slating Eddie Murphy films, it's just too easy. But when utter drivel is served up, you can't help it. One can only hope that now, unreleased films released, Murphy can feature in something that recalls the glory days. I'm not expecting anything like his stand-up but anything reminiscent of films like Beverly Hills Cop and Trading Place would be nice, right?

*
Another Murphy film, another single star. Not only painfully unfunny, but ridiculously sentimental and sickly sweet at a drop of a hat. Sigh.

Film Review: The Pact

Every now and then, a film comes along at the cinema that leaves the viewer totally bewildered. Not because of a labyrinthine plot, or it's something they have never experienced before. No, it's just sometimes a film comes along that has no business being walked past the cinema in a plastic bag, let alone shown on its screens. The Pact is one of those films.

It's probably behind you!

The Pact concerns the story of Annie (Caity Lotz), who recently lost her mother and is currently staying in her house. After his sister Nicole vanishes, followed by her cousin, and strange paranormal events start to occur, Annie discovers more to her families past than meets the eye...

Whilst I had heard bad things about the films 'shock' ending, it's more a case of the entire film being a bit rubbish. Offering literally nothing that even the casual horror fan hasn't seen before, the whole film is a bit of a waste of time.

There's a couple of unintentional comedy moments with a young medium (Hayley Hudson) being brought into the house to investigate the spooky goings on, and the mere presence of Casper Van Dien (playing a cop investigating the two disappearances) in a film that was shown in cinemas in the year 2012 caused a few chuckles.

At the end of the day, there's really not much to say about The Pact. It's short, at least, but it's in no way original or interesting. In fact the only really interesting aspect of the entire venture is exactly how it managed to weasel it's way into cinemas, rather than plunge into usual (deserved) bowels of DTV hell...

*
Generic horror is generic. Unoriginal pap. There's so much better out there. Hell, even average is a step up!

Film Review: Piranha 3DD

I rather enjoyed the loose remake of Piranha that was released a few years ago. Yeah, there was probably a bit too much 'character stuff', but the climatic feeding frenzy was off the charts gory. The makeup effects were superb and in my opinion, it raised the film a bit higher than the usual gory fare.

So I was quite looking forward to a sequel, especially with it's ridiculous title, a play on the format it could be seen in the cinema and bra sizes, the fact it was directed by John Gulager who had made the Feast movies (well worth checking out, by the way) and the veteran cast announced in the returning Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames, Gary Busey, Clu Gulager and David Hasselhoff (playing himself!)

The best thing in the film. Bit worrying.

Piranha 3DD seemed to have a bit of trouble getting to cinemas. The first I heard it was being released in November 2011, then it was postponed, only to be announced as a direct to DVD title. But then, all of a sudden, trailers began showing and a release date was announced. But, in an age where horror sequels promise more of everything, ultimately Piranha 3DD was a bit of a letdown.

After the events of the first film, the ravenous piranhas are back and are attacking a newly opened 'adult' waterpark. The adult section of that is just the excuse for women to walk round naked. So far, so the first film, right?

We have the teen drama the makers feel the need to shoehorn in, but this time not much time is given to developing their characters. Katrina Bowden from 30 Rock plays one of them, and after her likable turn in Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, you can't help but think she's been wasted in this.

The films true highlights occur when the aforementioned veteran cast appear. Gary Busey and Clu Gulager are amusing in the Richard Dreyfuss role from the first film, Christopher Lloyd is an absolute hoot as the mad scientist who seems a bit more concerned about how many hits his YouTube videos are getting, and David Hasselhoff pretty much steals the entire movie in a brilliantly self deprecating version of himself. Although there's probably too much Hoff if you stick around for all the end credits.

As for the real meat of the film, the climatic piranha attack? Well you just don't see enough gore. Plenty of people running around screaming, and more of the Hoff acting the idiot, but compared to the savage mauling in the first film, it's a bit of a damp squib.

Mention should be made however of a particularly wince-inducing piranha attack during a sex scene, a sole moment of truly outlandish grue in a film that just does not live up to the original. What a shame.

**
If more time was given to the veteran cast members and a piranha attack to at least equal the first film, as opposed to forgettable teen characters, this would have been a worthy film. When it's good, it is entertaining, but sadly that's not often enough.

Film Review: Prometheus

Try as you might you're always going to come across spoilers for films that you don't want to know about. It seems the moment I made the decision to avoid all things Prometheus until I saw at the cinema, it became about ten times harder to avoid. It's with that in mind I issue the following warning...

Whilst I'm clearly not going to be going into the plot of the film, this review will contain references to the film, so if you're looking for a straight forward thumbs up or thumbs down, this isn't the place for you. Lets just say minor spoilers?

Equally hard to avoid is comparisons to Alien. Much has been talked about whether this film is a prequel or a standalone movie in the same 'universe', but I think by the end of the film most people will be able to see a lot clearer. As regular readers know, I try to avoid making comparisons to other films, but with Prometheus it may well be unavoidable. Sharing the same universe AND director in Ridley Scott offers too much in common with the 1979 classic.

"Yes Noomi, I am seeing this, stop asking!"

When a team of explorers discover the latest in a series of drawings that may explain the origins of mankind on this planet, they travel with a team of space truckers (kind of, more on that distinction in a moment) as well as a robot given the appearance of a human called David (Michael Fassbender) to the distant moon hinted at in these drawings to see if these beings can give them the answers they've been looking for.

Instantly, comparisons can be drawn. When you start to watch the film, similarities are instant. The design of the ship, down to the cryo-pods for extended slumber, as well as the presence of a robot does make you think of Alien, it can't be helped. But Prometheus does have its own story to tell, which is where things start to get slightly flawed.

Whilst the performances are great (Noomi Rapace as Elizabeth Shaw, one of the explorers and Michael Fassbender in particular) everything is let down a bit by the writing. The characters are not especially well developed, which causes confusion with the minor characters on the ship(apart from the aforementioned Rapace and Fassbender, as well as Charlize Theron and Idris Elba, everyone just kind of gels into one), and just the dialogue in general is just a bit clunky. It just doesn't have as much to say as Alien did.

When I mentioned space truckers a few paragraphs back, I say that but it's never really specified that well what exactly the minor characters do. One of them carries a gun at an early stage, for protecting the team, but there's never really any kind of moment where you know what each characters function really is.

But apart from that, things are great. The film itself looks stunning. I saw it (proudly) in 2D, and it just looked jaw dropping, and after hearing comments from Scott himself which made it sound like 3D may not have been his choice, I'm glad I did. The design of the film is superb, and even has the return of H.R. Giger to create some more awe-inspiring and slightly unsettling models.

And Prometheus shows that Scott can still ratchet the tension up and produce some truly horrifying scenes, which more than live up to those of his other 'Alien universe' film. In particular there's a scene with Rapace that is stunningly gruesome, and there's plenty more horror too. I think it's the best film he's made in many, many years.

Prometheus won't please viewers expecting another Alien film, that much should have been obvious from even the shortest teaser trailer. But even that won't stop some purists picking apart the film for years to come. But as a standalone film, it's a very impressive spectacle, only let down by slightly sub par writing.

****
Overall, a successful return to the Alien franchise for Scott, a truly impressive film. But the writing lets the side down, with some poorly written characters and dialogue in places. It shall be interesting to see where this story shall lead next. 

Film Review: Merantau

After the sheer giddy joy of watching Gareth Evan's The Raid (review here) I almost immediately had a look to see if he had made any other films. I hit pay dirt with Merantau, which was the first collaboration with Evans and the star of The Raid, Iko Uwais.

Whilst The Raid wastes no time getting to the action, Merantau has a slower pace as it tells the story of Yuda who leaves his quiet village to travel to the bustling city of Jakarta as part of his 'merantau', an ancient rite of passage all young men in his community partake in on the road to becoming a man.

"Aw shit, he's got PIPES!"

When he arrives, looking to start teaching the martial art of Silat Harimau, he finds himself homeless, and soon comes across a damsel in distress in the form of Astri (Sisca Jessica) who is part of a human trafficking ring run by unhinged gangster Ratger (Mads Koudal.)

The plot is nothing original, but then again neither was The Raids, but in the case of Merantau it's a small negative, as that basic plot is dragged out a bit, whereas The Raid wasted no time in cutting to the chase. I'm not one to compare films in reviews normally, but I feel like that is a fair comparison to make.

Other than that minor quibble, it's hard to fault Merantau. The action (which does actually benefit from a slow build) is top notch, and absolutely brutal. So much so in fact that I found in strange that the film was given a 15 rating in this country. The fighting (which involved some nasty looking spills) coupled with an insanely violent and prolonged shooting really looked more like 18 material to me. U.S. readers will probably just know the film as an R.

If you liked The Raid, I can't recommend checking out Merantau enough, and after that join me in awaiting the next Gareth Evans and Iko Uwais project!

****
More kick ass action from Indonesia. Excellent fighting, but the plot does drag ever so slightly. Still well worth a watch for fight fans.

Film Review: Island of Death

So many times you get a 'video nasty', and you watch it and you just have no concept as to why it was ever classified as such. Take Visiting Hours for example. Michael Ironside plays a serial killer stalking the halls of a hospital, and William Shatner pops up in a small role, but there's nothing there that is especially shocking or that would warrant a banning.

The same cannot be said for Island of Death. Banned under the 'video nasties' act of the 80s the film has never been released uncut till now, some 35 years after it's release, and you can see why. It's still a shocking watch, where most films (and I include the likes of the Evil Dead in this) you struggle to see why a ban was given, especially in this day and age.

But whilst Island of Death isn't an especially good film, it leaves an impression that you will be hard pressed to forget.

You know it's bad when this was the only acceptable photo I could find

A British couple, Christopher (Robert Behling) and Celia (Jane Lyle) travel a Greek island and start to dish out unimaginable terror to everyone they consider to be "sinners". Naturally this is pretty much everyone they encounter. Whilst they are doling out the pain, they take photos of the acts so they can revisit (or masturbate over) them later.

It's not much of a story (although the horror movie twist is there at the end) and there are several confusing moments within - at one point Christopher wakes up and wants to have sex, Celia not so much, so he goes outside, finds a goat and has sex with that instead. And then even stranger kills it post-coitus, as if it was going to tell everyone.

The shocks continue, one guy has his hands nailed to the ground and has paint poured down his throat, a gay couple are terrorised, a lesbian heroin addict is given a massive overdose and her face blow torched (the effect looks pitiful though), and worst of all whilst seducing a middle aged slapper, Christopher urinates on her. It's not family friendly stuff, clearly.

The film could throw all the shocks in the world at you (and, to be fair, it gives it a damn good try) but the fact remains Island of Death isn't very good. If you have a dark sense of humour however you'll probably get  a lot of laughs out of the terrible acting and ridiculous antics of Christopher and Celia. Everyone else will probably be horrified. An interesting curio from the video nasty era for sure.

**
A bonus star for the unintentional comedy and just to see how far films went back in the day. Other than that, it's pretty rubbish to be brutally honest, with a unhealthy amount of the shocking moments making little sense. Namely the goat.

Film Review: The Raid (The Raid: Redemption)

It's safe to say that when it comes to action movies at the cinemas things can feel a little stale sometimes. I like films such as the Transporter series, Fast Five and The Avengers as much as the next person, but we live in an age where the action isn't really focused on, with hyper-fast 'MTV editing' so you can barely tell who is beating the living tar out of who.

Of course films like Ong-Bak, Warrior King and Ip Man give action the attention it deserves, but unless you know of the work of Tony Jaa or Donnie Yen, these films could easily pass you by. But somehow, The Raid managed to get a countrywide cinema release, and this is at a time where The Avengers is still ruling the roost, so it watching a film like this on the big screen really did feel like a breath of fresh air. And it has subtitles, and those 'sort' of films only ever hit the multiplex when they have an Academy Award nomination...

Bone crunching ruck #87

The plot is pretty straightforward and we waste no time launching into it. A SWAT team become trapped in an apartment tenement building which is run by a ruthless mobster, who instructs his men and tenants alike to kill the team. All hell breaks loose, and we have a massive fight on our hands.

That is pretty much it. Sure, there a few twists and turns in the plot along the way, and it's not exactly difficult to see these coming, but you don't go into these sort of films expecting labyrinthine story telling. The film is just 100 minute of bone-crushing action. It begins with bullets, and when they run out the characters use their fists, and whatever other weapons aren't nailed down.

The fights involve the Indonesian fighting style 'Pencak Silat' which is just incredible to watch. A US remake (groan) has already been greenlit, and I can't see Hollywood taking any chances using a fighting style like that with actors, and that is really the heart of the film. And there is no-one in the States that would be cast like Iko Uwais (Rama) or Yayan Ruhian (the frankly insane, unstoppable Mad Dog.) Sure, there are fighters like that, but they will never be cast in a Hollywood movie.

You can see the films inspiration, the classic Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan films, but 'danger in a building' actioners like Die Hard. If you have even a passing interest in any of these films, The Raid is for you.


*****
Welsh director Gareth Evans has not done anything wholly original here, but that doesn't even matter. The Raid is the best action film in years, and gives the audience nothing but seat edge thrills from beginning to end, and some of the best fight sequences (which are shot properly!) you'll ever see. Check it out while you can.

Film Review: The Dictator

After the successes of Ali G, Borat and Bruno made Sacha Baron Cohen incredibly well known, it was virtually impossible to have another one of his creations blend with real life people in real life situations. Too many people would recognise him if he did it again. So instead we get the 'fictional' film The Dictator, which still manages to have Baron Cohen portray another larger than life personality, but with a bit less success this time round...

Aladeen arrives in NYC

Baron Cohen plays Admiral General Alladeen, the eccentric dictator of a fictional country called Wadiya who rules his country with an iron fist. Summoned by the UN who have worries about Wadiya's nuclear program, he is abducted, has his beard shaved off and is replaced by a double. He must now battle to ensure democracy doesn't come to his beloved country.

The Dictator is the very definition of a hit and miss film. When the gags hit it's great fun, but just as often they fall flat, and it comes across as insulting or just plain unfunny. And when I say insulting and unfunny, it's not like I don't get what the filmmakers are trying to do, or me not getting the joke, it just doesn't work a lot of the time.

The films highlight is undoubtedly a speech by Aladeen at the climax trying to sell the 'positives' of a dictatorship to America, whilst at the same time unwittingly listing all the negative things that has happened in that country in the last few years. If the rest of the film was like this, it would be getting a much higher score.

That's not to say that is the sole funny moment. A scene where Aladeen and his lackey Nadal (Jason Mantzoukas) take a helicopter tour of New York with an American couple is highly amusing, as is a good portion of the gags and one-liners.

But that leaves the rest. I can find humour in jokes about bodily functions every now and then, but that's really what a lot of The Dictator comes down to. And the jokes are poorly executed too. Or just unpleasant, such as "hilarious" jokes about the London Underground terror attacks or a disgusting birthing scene which is devoid of any humour.

And furthermore, there are only so many times that you can get away with a joke about race or religion just because the character saying it is an idiot. I could let the first couple slide, but by the end they seemed pretty unpleasant.

Yeah, people may say that it's topical, and there are dictators still in power that would do ridiculous sounding horrible things, but there are much better ways of making light of this, instead of just aiming your material at the crowd that think The Inbetweeners is the height of comedy.

And jokes like the Chinese Ambassador to the UN getting oral sex from celebrities is just pointless, even with an Edward Norton cameo thrown in, and the audience I watched it with reacted with stony silence to all of that stuff.

As usual, Baron Cohen throws everything he has at the role, and goes above and beyond (of course the press tour for the film has largely consisted of him giving interviews in character as Aladeen), and there's decent enough support from Anna Faris and Ben Kingsley, but you can't help but think that if the gross-out "humour" was pared down and the flashes of brilliance were given more time, we'd have a fantastic comedy on our hands.

**
The jokes hit about half of the time, and when they are good, they are very good. But when they miss, they are immature and disgusting. And not in a particularly funny or well executed way, either. The speech at the end of the film is a highlight though, and a glimpse at what a better film this could have been

Film Review: The Devil Inside

When it comes to found footage films, I have to admit that my patience is wearing a little thin. But for some reason, the horror genre seems to keep things relatively inventive. The most recent in the Paranormal Activity series wasn't blighted by this format at all (although I struggle to see where they can take the franchise as it rolls on), and the Spanish REC films are some of the best horrors in the last few years.

The Devil Inside takes the much used found footage (or fake documentary) format and couples it with another type of film that has long passed its expiration date, the exorcism movie. We all should get by this point that there was only one exorcism film, and that was the original Exorcist movie, which is also one of the greatest horror movies (and flat-out movies) ever made.

Funnily enough, the only way I'll watch Devil Inside again...

The sequel to The Exorcist was diabolical, and it's third would have been an outstanding film had it not had an exorcism scene shoehorned in to placate the masses. The most notable of recent exorcism movies was another found footage piece, The Last Exorcism, which wasn't actually that bad until it reached it nonsensical last ten minutes where all logic was hurled out the window.

The Devil Inside has good start, to give the film its due. But sadly this only lasts the length of it's 80's set news report footage, which is quite convincing. But the moment the movie hits present day with it's purported documentary format it falls apart. The main character of Isabella (Fernanda Andrade) who is looking for answers as to what happened to her Mother (who caused the deaths of three police officers during her exorcism back in the 80's), just looks like an actress. And it's totally unshakable throughout. And none of the other major cast members strike you in any way as a real person. It's easily the least convincing fake documentary I've ever seen.

As the story rumbles on, we get multiple exorcisms leading to another exorcism of Isabella's mother, Maria (Suzan Crowley) who acts like a cartoon version of someone possessed by the Devil. Crowley's performance is already a front runner for the worst acting of 2012. It can't even be described as 'so bad it's good', instead 'so bad it surpasses good/bad and arrives full circle at bad again' would be closer to the truth.

That's not to say that's the only case of bad acting, pretty much the entire main cast are pretty woeful, joining pretty much everything else about the film, which ends so abruptly that you can't help but wonder if the film makers just threw in the towel, agreeing that there's a strong argument for a worldwide ban on exorcism movies.

*
Another dire swing at a genre which hit its pinnacle, which can never be topped, almost 40 years ago. Throw in a format of films that had it's big creative moment in 1999, and so appalling performances and you have an absolute stinker.

Film Review: This Means War

Resorting to a video review, so I don't waste my time having to make the effort to type something about it again, comes This Means War. Let this handsome chap below tell you all about it...


      


* 
Needless to say, i t's a 1 star review...

The Expendables 2 Full Trailer

My life is complete come August... And here is my reaction to it... BRING THIS FILM ON!

Film Review: Chronicle

The story of three teenagers who obtain telekinetic like special abilities ground my gears so much I couldn't type the words, so had to take a short rage-dump on camera...

*
What he said. A dreadful film, in a dreadful format with dreadful characters.

Film Review: Marvel Avengers Assemble (The Avengers)

What a clunky title right? Happily, apart from that and another example of pointless 3D (joining the ranks of, well every film that's come out in 3D) there isn't much else to complain about with 'MAA', the film that finally ends the years long build up and throws Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Captain America (Chris Evans), The Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), as well as second tier heroes Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) together in one huge melting pot.

Continuing primarily from where Thor (the film) left off, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) is forced to call these heroes together when Loki (Tom Hiddleston) threatens to destroy the Earth using an energy source called the Tesseract.

Weighing in at a lengthy 142 minutes, Avengers Assemble (it's called The Avengers everywhere else, presumably us Brits would get it confused with the 1960's TV show of the same name?) is perfectly paced. Setting the scene with an explosive beginning that makes most action films finales look inferior, it slowly builds to collecting the heroes together, which results in some terrific face-offs between them all - there's some fan-boy wet dreams as we see the Hulk battle Thor, and Iron Man and Captain America have a bit of a scuffle.

No one was prepared to admit this was not the venue for the costume party

The action continues to build, with nary a dull moment to be seen leading to a colossal smackdown on Manhattan island, and of course, the inevitable post-credits scene (which some people still left before, will they ever learn?)

As it's Joss Whedon writing and directing you're pretty much guaranteed a brilliant combination of action and humour, and it has to be said, improves a lot on the solo films. Not knocking those films, for the most part they've been good fun, but this seemed like the culmination of them. It's nothing original seeing NYC the arena for a massive battle, but Whedon adds so much to it that the 45 minutes (this is a guess, it was a long old battle) fly by and it seems totally fresh, as well as gleefully mental as we cut from one superhero to another battling evil.

Whedon always has a knack for cracking dialogue, and since I was never a huge fan of the Buffy universe and I never really got into Firefly, I'm glad that there's now something I can enjoy of his that appeals to me (this and the excellent Cabin in the Woods of course.)

With a great screenplay comes great performances, with Robert Downey Jr. (as usual) standing out, and I also found Mark Ruffalo's Bruce Banner to be really quite something. Playing a slightly more unhinged version than Eric Bana and Edward Norton before him really added something for me, as well as the Banner's face being visible when you saw the Hulk.

A bit of a worry going into the film was Loki as the central villain, and while he does appear weak at times, it's clear he's under orders from someone else (again, hang around post-credits) so it works for me and Hiddleston does a great job expanding the role he started in Thor.

Whilst not affecting the quality of the actual film, it would be remiss of me not to mention the shoddy retro-fitted 3D job that was done on this. Slightly blurry at times, and totally flat, the dreaded 3D added absolutely nothing to this. But I wanted to see it in IMAX, and sadly 3D is the price you have to pay.

Avengers Assemble is the natural culmination of the story started in the original Iron Man in 2008, and the start of a new chapter that will continue (I assume) in Iron Man 3 and Thor 2. The bar has been raised considerably with Whedon's involvement (although if anyone can match it from an action/humour standpoint it's Shane Black, who is writing and directing the former), and I sincerely hope the next time the Avengers assemble, Whedon is the guy helming it all.

****
Whilst it's nothing original, the action and humour take it a mark above the solo outings before it. Brilliantly written and performed, and with some outstanding set pieces, this truly is the start of the Summer blockbuster season.

Film Review: Demons (Cinema Screening)

It was a treat indeed this past week when myself and my friends Andrew and Chloe got to see Lamberto Bava's cult 80s horror hit on the big screen at Cinema City in Norwich, in celebration of it's forthcoming DVD and Blu-Ray release from the good people at Arrow Video, who are also releasing the sequel.

Beforehand I somehow managed to win a Facebook competition to win a Demons shirt, so that was a bonus going in too! Thanks again guys and gals at Cinema City, and I promise I'll buy a membership soon - been meaning to for 3 years now!

The greatest tagline ever?

The screening was a showing of the Blu-Ray I believe, and there was quite the amusing hiccup with subtitles at the start. Think everyone forgot it was in Italian! Then forgot about English Descriptive subtitles, which meant another change! Most amusing.

The plot is quite simple. A random collection of cinema goers attend a screening of a mystery film, which turns out to be about some teenagers who unearth demons whilst investigating the tomb of Nostradamus. As the film proceeds, strange goings-on start to occur in the audience, emanating from a prostitute trying on a prop mask from the film before it started.

Before we know it, events in the cinema are mirroring events on the screen, with a full fledged demon invasion occuring. Not much effort is put into explaining why all of this happening, but it's absolutely mental fun as each cinema patron is scratched or mutilated by the demons, turning them in the process.

Not much about it makes any sense (random helicopter anyone?) and it still seems to be dubbed even though it is actually Italian (if anyone knows why this seems that way, please leave a comment below) but none of that matters. Demons is one of the funnest 80s horror movies out there, and will satisfy every fan of the genre.

Special note should be made for the soundtrack. There's not many films out there that feature tracks from Motley Crue, Accept, Billy Idol and the mighty Saxon, but Demons is one of them. And people may say this makes the film dated, but it just adds to the charm for me.

Demons is released on April 30th on DVD and Blu-Ray and well worth a purchase.

****
An 80's Gonzo Horror treat. It makes little sense most of the time, and is funny when it shouldn't be at others, but it's also the best example of horror for that time. Check it out.

Thom's House Of Words at WWE Raw. 16/4/12, o2 London.

It was way back in 1991 when I first watched American wrestling. Like a lot of kids I'd seen Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks bumble around the ring on a Saturday afternoon on ITV, but when my Dad first taped a late night showing of WCW Worldwide for me, it was a whole new ball game and it grew into an obsession that followed me right up till my late teens.

Myself at WWE Raw, after all these years!

When I first started watching WCW, I guess it was about the time that Ric Flair left the company to go to the WWF (as it was called back then), and I watched people like Sting, Rick Rude, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes etc. week in and week out.

My first taste of the WWF was probably the 1991 Survivor Series (the one where the relatively new bad guy The Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan to win the title), and it was great to have two different companies to watch. But WCW was always the easier one to watch as it was on free television, and we didn't have Sky.

As the years went on I found myself watching WWF more. Around 1995 a lot of former WWF wrestlers like Hulk Hogan jumped ship to WCW and it got really silly for a while. I was 12 and even then I knew it was a bit crap. But at the same time, the WWF was having its 'New Generation' era, spearheaded by Diesel, and that left a lot to be desired also.

The next year, however was the year things started to change for the WWF. The 'Stone Cold' era started, and things started to get a little edgy. And as a teenager it was the perfect fit, regardless of all the nWo stuff starting to happen in WCW (which had long since finished airing on ITV at this point.)

With the help of school friends who had Sky, I was able to keep on top of all the weekly activities of the 'Attitude' era, and when finally I had enough money to pay for it myself, I got the dish on the side of the house, and was able to watch it all, and stay up and watch the Pay-Per-View events live as they happened.

As I started to get older though, other things (mainly music) started to take over. The thing that really got me into rock music was actually the wrestlers theme songs, and the songs they used to advertise the big events. That's where I first heard bands like System Of A Down and their like.

But throughout all the years watching it, I never went to see it live. I wanted to, sure. But the cost made it seem like a crazy dream, and by the time I was earning the kind of money to make going viable, I was heavily into music and going to every gig under the sun.

For reasons I can't even remember (and it was only 12 months ago), I decided to watch Wrestlemania last year. And while it wasn't as good as it used to be (mainly due to the fact that the product is marketed towards kids, and there is no serious competition) I still found it watchable, and found myself watching the monthly PPV event, then eventually back to watching Raw every week.

So when tickets went on sale for the Wrestlemania Revenge Tour last November, myself, my friend Michelle (and her Mum!) decided to go, and we finally got tickets. Should be worth mentioning Michelle and her Mum had also been watching it for years, but had never been to a live event. And even cooler was that our collective first time was being filmed for television!

A bit has changed in the last year in the WWE. Whilst it still caters largely to kids (there's only blood if it's a mistake, there's no steel chair shots to the head), there's a lot more for adults. It's become edgy again, but only within the parameters of still being family-friendly. Although saying that, the word "shit" has been used on television quite a lot, and the F-bomb was dropped at this years Wrestlemania!

And in recent weeks, former UFC champion Brock Lesnar has returned, making things very interesting, although due to his light travel schedule in his contract, he wasn't at the show at the o2.

Anyway, what started as a brief introduction to myself and wrestling (seeing as I have never mentioned it on here before), has turned into a War and Peace sized tome, so onto the actual event itself...

To say we arrived a bit early at the o2 Arena was a bit of an understatement. With the doors to the arena itself opening at 6.30pm, we rolled into the car park just after 1. But there's plenty to do at the venue, so we figured there would be plenty to pass the time. But once you do the British Music Experience, there's really not, unless you catch a film at the enormo-screen they have. But we didn't.

Our view as CM Punk enters the arena.

After kicking around a few bars and restaurants, it was time to start queuing. And as soon as we headed towards the throng, the "YES!" chants kicked off. For the uninitiated, in recent weeks WWE audiences have sided with heel (bad guy) Daniel Bryan, adopted his ridiculous "YES" mantra. A few weeks ago in Miami, the crowd chanted it all night, and it's drifted into gigs, hockey games and basketball games around the world. And it was loud and constant all night in London.

Once we were let in, we found our seats pretty quickly. And they were far better than expected. Once we turfed out the teenagers who were sat in them that is! Got Michelle's o2 Priority membership to thank for them. Once we were settled, we headed to merchandise stand where I picked up a CM Punk shirt which was a pretty steep £25, and a bottle of Bud that cost £4.80. That stung.

While we were waiting, we, and the other people in our row, were kept amused by the sight of a large, pervert looking fellow writing a sign very slowly in the seats below. This turned out to read 'Kelly Kelly You're My Sexy Baby', surrounded by hearts. If that wasn't repulsive enough, he then handed said sign to a young boy who proudly held it up when the Diva came out. Shudder.

The action started at 7.30, and as it normally goes we got a dark match first. A dark match is one that doesn't air on television, and the first one of the night usually is for brand new talent to get a shot, and this was no difference, and we got a first look at developmental talent Dean Ambrose. Very short match, but he was good on the mic.

After that, we had a couple of matches that would be shown on Superstars later in the week. One was with the Diva's, who for the most part are notoriously naff, but we did get a good match between R-Truth and Jack Swagger, the latter who I never had much time for on TV, but he was pretty good live!

After a few minutes break, we were informed that we would be filming a "live cut-in" so we had to all get up and act appropriately crazy. I can only assume this was used as a pre-show tease on the USA network. In hindsight that is. At the time I had no idea what was going on.

Then after announcers Michael Cole (hated) and Jerry Lawler (loved) came out, so did Mark Henry for the first match of the Raw show proper, where he was facing CM Punk for the WWE title in a no countout, no disqualification match. To add to my slight confusion, we were then told we were "going live" (we weren't live at any point, I should add, it was all pre-taped and shown in the States later that night) for Raw. Then the regular pyro and Nickelback music hit, leading into the entrance of Punk who the crowd went suitably nuts for.

The show continued with breaks for ads in the arena, and vignettes in the backstage area. Watching the show back, we only saw a few of them. Which was just as well as some of them were embarrassingly bad!

The taping itself ended with the beloved-by-kids-hated-by-everyone-else John Cena against WWE returnee Lord Tensai. Tensai used to be known as Albert, and we let him know we remembered constantly with the "Albbbeerrrt" chants. Once that was done, we had another dark match, which pitted CM Punk against Chris Jericho, who got a huge reaction.

This didn't last much more than 4 or 5 minutes before Bryan ran in (restarting the "YES!" chants all over again), then some of the wrestlers we hadn't seen throughout the night, culminating in seeing Randy Orton, who along with Sheamus sent the crowd home happy by taking out the bad guys.

Having never been to a live show before, I really didn't know what to expect, but I loved it. I was wondering whether I was really going to be standing up and cheering, booing or dancing badly (in the case of 'Funkasauraus' Brodus Clay) but I did, and really want to go again!

The WWE are back in November, but that month is a little busy for me, but next year I'll be back. It may sound steep, but it's £50 well spent. And if you ever told the 1991 version of me that I'd be seeing it live the same year as I go to New York, I think his head may explode!

Film Review: The Protector (1985)

Before finally hitting pay dirt in 1998 with Rush Hour, Jackie Chan made several failed attempts to break America. Not counting his small roles in the Cannonball Run films, there was The Big Brawl in 1980 (also known as Battle Creek Brawl), Rumble in the Bronx in 1995 (although that was a Hong Kong production), and Mr. Nice Guy in 1997.

The most curious of all of these early American Chan films was 1985' The Protector. Starring Chan, who is well known for not liking excessive violence, language or nudity in his films, it was written and directed by James Glickenhaus, best known for violent cult hits The Exterminator, Shakedown and McBain.

The plot is what you would expect from your average cop movie. Chan plays Billy Wong, who after his partner is gunned down in the films opening scenes, is partnered with Danny Garoni (Danny Aiello), who after witnessing a wealthy man's daughter being kidnapped at a fashion show, travel to Hong Kong to find those responsible and stop their drug trafficking ring.

What's so bizarre about the film is the sight of Jackie Chan in such a violent film. Of course, it's not like his fighting style isn't violent, but seeing him shooting someone and squibs exploding everywhere, and hearing him actually drop an F-bomb is really odd.

The film itself is OK. It's nothing original at all, but the presence of Chan takes it a step above your typical 80's action fare, although there's not really an abundance of fight scenes that'd you would come to expect.

In the end, Chan wasn't too pleased with all the swearing, excessive violence and nudity on display, and re-edited the film for Hong Kong consumption, adding in more fighting, a new sub-plot, and removing all the naughty bits. But like it did in the States, the film tanked anyway. Disappointed with the failure of the project, Chan decided to make his own cop film. That film was called Police Story...

***

An interesting curio for fans of Chan and Glickenhaus alike, but it's pretty run of the mill 80's action, albeit bolstered by Jackie Chan starring.

Film Review: The Cabin in the Woods

When it comes to reviewing films, the trickiest thing sometimes is swerving around plot points that would ruin the enjoyment of the movie for the reader. These 'spoilers' are normally easily avoided, because with most films you can can run through the synopsis, and describe what makes the film great without revealing any twists and turns.

Sticking to a spoiler-free review makes writing about The Cabin in the Woods a bit tricky. It's not so much that the film has a massive twist, in fact the opening scenes kind of lay out what is going on pretty quickly, but it's not something you want to ruin. But I shall endeavour to talk about what I can, and strongly urge you go and see it for yourself, before it gets ruined for you.

Back in 1981, the horror film Pieces was released and was saddled with the slightly insulting tagline 'Pieces...it's exactly what you think it is!'. I think the exact opposite can be applied for The Cabin in the Woods. It's not what you think it is, not at all.

Pretty much the only photo I can use!

Originally filmed back in 2009, Cabin has run into all kinds of problems which delayed its release significantly. MGM's financial woes played a part, as did Lionsgate wanting the film to be released in 3D. Thankfully, the filmmakers put their feet down, and this was avoided. There would have been no point in releasing this movie in 3D, but of course, the same can be said about most films.

Directed by Drew Goddard, and co-written by Goddard and Joss Whedon, The Cabin in the Woods is possibly the best written and most amusing horror film since the days of the Evil Dead movies. It's an incredibly smart and hilarious script, and the direction is also top-notch, especially when it comes to the (numerous) set pieces in the film.

The plot that I can tell you about is your usual horror fare. A group of friends go for a break to a deserted cabin in the woods, but once they arrive things start to go awry. It's essentially the same plot from about 100 horror films, but there is a lot more going on than meets the eye. And to say any more than that is most definitely creeping into spoiler territory. Even the trailer (that I saw) doesn't give away too much more than that, and that is almost miraculous considering how much movie studios like to reveal way too much in trailers.

The cast are all great in their roles but there's even some cast members that I can't talk about, so shall just focus on the teens on the cabin, who all do a great job with their purposefully cliched characters - the jock (a pre-Thor Chris Hemsworth), the intelligent one (Jesse Williams), the blonde bimbo (Anna Hutchison), the stoner (Whedon alumni Fran Kranz, who is excellent throughout) and the obvious virgin (Kristen Connolly). The way the story takes these characters and their cliches is, like the rest of the film, inspired.

Before The Cabin in the Woods was released, some pre-awareness posters adorned buses in my area, with a quote from a review that called it a "Game changer". Normally when I hear this, or something like "reinventing the genre" I want to run a mile from any cinema showing it. But this time, believe the hype. The Cabin in the Woods will undoubtedly change the way I watch a lot of horror movies, and the same can't be said for other horror films that have proclaimed to be revolutionary, like the Saw films.

Not only that, but Cabin... is one of those rare films that manage to transcend its genre. Horror fans will get a lot more out of this than the casual cinema-goer, there's no two ways about that, but those with not much horror experience will get loads out of it as well. I went to see it with someone who didn't really watch many horror films (although admittedly, she is a Whedon fan), and she absolutely loved it. And it's a rare film OR horror film indeed that can make that much of an impact.


*****
A totally original, hilarious and just generally excellent film, whether you like horror or not. The best film of 2012 so far...